▶ Your Answer :
In this information society, the importance of news media became
bigger than any other times. In order to meet this demand and provide good
quality of news, news editors have to think a lot to decide which news stories
to broadcast or publish. Also, these days, we are so accustomed to negative
news, so good news must be certainly welcomed by the public.
In order to choose the news stories, news editors consider many
factors. First of all, the contents matter. They have to consider whether the
stories are important enough to be provided and prioritized. Next, the news
stories should be interesting enough to attract readers and viewers. To survive
in this flood of information, the editors cannot have choices but to pick the
news stories that would appeal to the public. Lastly, the company’s view is another
factor to be thought about. Since they are working for the company, they have
to follow the general view of the company, for example the owner’s political
view. (Need a better transition)
These days, the news is so full of negative news that they even desensitize
us. Negative issues, for example tragic accidents, natural disasters and wars,
are more likely to be published and broadcasted with the shocking and
breath-taking impact. Then, by being exposed to these bad news, people get
cynical and cold to the society. Then, what if good news is more on the news?<(에세이 안에서 질문을 하는 것은 피해주시는게 좋습니다) It will be definitely beneficial to the society. If the news is more about the
volunteers for cleaning the natural disasters, and the medical teams curing the
victims from the wars, and so on, people will be inspired and try to do the
same, by being nice to others. Therefore, it will lead to a better society, in the
long run.
In the news we always watch and read, there are a lot of efforts and
considerations by the editors. Although we are now more exposed to bad news, I
believe that more good news should be on the news for the public. Therefore, I
hope the editors take this factor into consideration, as well.
Score: 7 Comment: 전체적으로 내용 cohesion/connection/에 신경을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 연결성이 조금 부족해 보입니다. 그 외에는 세 질문에 대한 답은 좋다고 생각합니다. 글을 조금 더 organize해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 opening paragraph sentence에 In외에 다른 cohesion으로 시작을 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. In이라는 표현을 세 번 사용 하셨습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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