▶ Your Answer :
There is no doubt that some scientists mentioning about a foreign languages education should have started to learn as at an early age young as children are. With regards to this issue, some people may insist that students can learn in secondary school after they are grown up. However, I believe that the studying a foreign overseas languages at a very early age is are more beneficial than the learning about it in secondary school. <(질문과는 조금 다른 내용입니다. 질문은 Does the advantages of learning a foreign language in primary school outweigh the disadvantages of learning a language in primary school? 입니다. 글쓴이는 Is it more advantageous to learn a foreign language in primary school than in secondary school? 를 답해주셨습니다. ) It is true that children who learned/began formed to speak a foreign language at an early age, can perform better than a person who began to learn it in secondary school. Due to the factors of that by encountering a foreign about overseas language at early age, it enables children to learn more faster and accurately. In addition, the intellectual ability was a great influenced on age of children.<(문법이 틀렸으며 무슨 말을 전달하고자 하는지 잘 모르겠습니다) According to an experiment experience conducted in Korea last year between students of primary schools and secondary schools, a students who learned met a new languages since they were very young in primary school were able to be fluent as a native speaker when they grew up., after they grown up they could have a potential to become a native speaker of that languages. Meanwhile, other students in secondary school students were not able to become as fluent as the students who began learning in primary school. started to learn regarding a overseas language, after they were mature, they could not become as much as a students who began to speak a foreign language at early age. On the other hand, young children will have side effects if they are more focused on learning a foreign language than their native language first. if children set to study about new language instead of learning native language at first, this phenomenon will be accompanied with side effects to children. By learning a foreign language at first and adapting to use it more frequently, children tend to forget their native language. Therefore, children should have built numerous knowledge about their native language first, and then they can get in touch with an overseas language in secondary school. As well as, the studying a overseas language in secondary school will not be postponed their studying period that is still enough to study it.<(unclear) To conclude, it is clear that the learning a foreign language at an early age is a only a decent method rather than implement to study in secondary school<(unclear) as the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Score: 4.5 Comment: 일단 질문을 조금 다르게 이해 하신 것 같습니다. 질문은 primary school 때 다른 언어를 배우는 장/단점에 대해 묻고 있습니다. 글쓴이는 secondary school와 주로 비교를 해주셨고 또한 thesis statement에서도 secondary school 보다 primary school 때 배우는게 더 beneficial하다 라고 해주셨기 때문에 에세이의 내용이 조금 irrelevant하게 들리기도 합니다. 오히려 그저 primary school 때 언어를 배우는 장/단점을 비교를 해주시거나 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 다음은 전체적으로 글 정리/editing을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 틀리시는 곳이 많고 이해가 잘 안되는 문구들이 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 전체적으로 clarity가 조금 떨어집니다. 문장구조/number agreement/subject verb agreement/ article 사용 (vowel로 시작하는 단어 앞에서는 a가 아닌 an으로 써주셔야합니다)/수동태/능동태 활용/어순/collocation 에 틀리시고 계십니다. 특기 문장구조에 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. Run-sentence으로 들리거나 여러 clause를 콤마로 연결해주셨지만 conjunction이나 알맞는 구조로 연결를 해주시지 않아서 이해가 잘 안되는 부분들도 있습니다. 주로 여러 내용을 다른 문구들로 나눠서 콤마로 연결을 시켜주시는 것 같습니다. 문버에 조금 더 신경을 써주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |