In the present situation where children can
be influenced from a variety of things, it has been a debatable issue that whether family
members greatly effect on children's life or there are other things that have more the
most influence on children. While others argue that external impacts are the
most important to children, I personally contend that young people are
influenced from their parents and family life the most.
On the one hand, there are several reasons
why someone people maintain that external influence plays a more significant role than
family. First of all, these days, in most families both the mother and father work to make ends meet most parents work both mother and father. It
means that children do not spend their time with their parents and they can be
less friendly with their mom and dad, getting less influence from family. In
this respect, it is friends that have numerous effects on young people since they
spend a long time together in school and even after finishing school. In addition,
children usually consider that their peers are so precious and concentrate on
friendship. (이 문장에 대한 추가적인 설명이 없을 거면 그냥 빼주셔야 합니다.)
Nevertheless, I am firmly convinced that
children's parents and relatives have certainly exerted several influences on
youngsters. (이 문장은 수정이 필요한데, 자세한 건 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.) It is no denying that parents usually decide something important matters such as
schools or diet for their children, which might change young students' life. That
is, children's eating habit could relate on characters. In addition, most
children can experienced have experiences of various activities such as going on a picnic or
enjoying a barbecue in a park with parents. In this regard, young people are
likely to grow and enlarge their own thinking thoughts and opinion from these memories.
In conclusion, when children are growing
up, they be affected a variety of people or the environment. However, family are
the most essential factor to young people. (지금과 같은 discuss both 유형에서는 내 의견에 대한 설명을 할 때 약간의 근거는 추가해주셔야 합니다. 1줄 정도는 꼭 넣어주세요.) (284 words)