The chart provided depicts the
proportion of the people who is owning or renting houses and livingin
England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.
Overall, the number of households in
owned accommodation has increased while the number of households in rented
accommodation has decreased. (이렇게 작성하면 완전히 틀린 분석이 되어버립니다. 자세한 건 총평에서 말씀드릴게요.)
It shows a clear upward in the The percentage
of households in owned accommodation shows a clear upward trend. In 1918, it was only 22%. However, the percentage has risen from 1918 to 2001. In
1939 and 1953 it was same and was 31%. After that period, it was 50% in 1971
and it is the same percentage with the household in rented accommodation in
1971. The percentage has increased up to 69% in 2001 and has slightly fallen to
65% in 2011.
On the other hand, the
percentage of households in rented accommodation appears to have a dramatic
decrease. In 1918, it was almost 80%. However, the percentage has dropped to
59% in 1961 and to 31% in 2001 respectively. After the downward trend, the
percentage has marginally increased to 36% in 2011. (이 두 문단은 현재 사용된 문장들이 거의 비슷비슷해서 상당히 단조로운 편이므로, 다시 한번 수정해보시는 걸 추천드립니다. the percentage~~ 에만 얽매이지 마시고, 이에 대한 동의도 충분히 존재할 뿐더러 패러프레이징도 가능하므로 이를 적극적으로 활용해주세요.)
5.5 (5/6/6/5) 현재 표는 상대적인 수치인 비율에 관해서만 보여주고 있습니다. 그러나, 지금의 두 번째 문단과 같이 number 라는 표현을 사용하게 되면 이는 표를 통해 알 수가 없는 사항이므로 잘못된 분석이 되어버려요. 이처럼 절대적인 것과 상대적인 것을 구분하는 작업은 Task 1에서
매우 중요하므로 이번 기회에 꼭 익혀주세요. 수고하셨습니다 :)