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It is obviously true that health care is important for
people's well-being and quality of life, but it is also true that it is
debatable whether they should be prioritized. I would like to discuss both
suggestions with appropriate examples. (이 문단에서는 both suggestions 가 명확하게 드러났다고 할 수 없습니다. 논제를 고려했을 때, both suggestions 는 건강이 최우선 vs 다른 게 더 중요하다인데, 이 문단에서는 건강이 중요하다 vs 이게 과연 최우선인가? 라는 어조로 작성이 되었어요. 둘은 분명 전혀 다릅니다.)
On the one hand, health care should be the top priority
because the government has the responsibility of taking care of that for the
public. This could be independently linked to the development of a country. If a
government thinks leaves health care behind or even hesitate to in investing money for
that, the country would probably pay more for other things. For example, a poor
health care system in a country possibly would result in a decrease in the
working population in the future, which means survival rate, and this would
also lead to the entire fall of productivity. In this situation, the government
should be concerned more about the degree of development of their nation. (여기는 ~해야 한다의 의미를 의도하신 건가요? 아니면 ~할 것이다의 의미를 의도하신 건가요?)
On the other hand, it is quite reasonable to put priorities
on other things with the public's tax. These could be some problems or urgent
issues that a country is suffering from or concerned with. For instance, some nations
would be are suffering from poverty from the lack of food or nature disasters. Otherwise,
some Meanwhile, other nations might have to invest a great deal of money for a business with
high investment value for the development of their country. In this respect, it
should not be thought that health care should be the top priority because other
important or emergent situations should be able to be considered first.
To sum up, it seems that both suggestions make sense when
considering a correlation between health care and the degree of a country's
development and some situations that should be solved earlier than investment
for health care. Again, it is deniable that heal care is important and the
degree of that needs to be considered based on current stats (여기는 조금 더 명확히 표현해주셔야 할 것 같습니다. 예를 들면 각 국가의 현재 상황 등으로요~).
감사합니다! |