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Nowadays, on the planet, there are numerous issues of environment caused by human activities. These problems are ongoing issues, and we have to focus on them. (논제의 대비되는 두 입장을 전혀 소개하고 있지 못하고, 그저 환경 자체에만 폭넓게 다루고 있습니다. 논제의 사항을 어느정도는 반영해주세요! 현재 서론만 읽고서는 앞으로 글이 어떻게 전개될지 전혀 파악이 안 됩니다. 현재 논제의 중점은 포괄적인 환경 문제 자체가 아니라, '중함/main/important' 입니다. 이 사항을 반영할 수 있어야 해요. 다른 수험생분들이 어떻게 작성하는지 참고해보시면 대략 감을 잡으실 수 있을 겁니다.)
Obviously, some people seem to think that the most important environmental problem is the extinction of flora and fauna (이런 단어를 쓰는 것은 매우 좋습니다. 아무래도 환경 쪽 일을 하신다고 하셨으니 이쪽 어휘는 매우 탄탄하게 갖춰있네요. 그렇지만, 이 외에 서론에서의 문제도 꼭 해결해주세요~그게 더 중요합니다). They say we have to be concerned about endangered species. As we saw the moment of the last white rhino which died last year, admittedly, this problem is continuing continueing. They argue that extinction is most crucial because of several reasons. Firstly, extinction is not reversible. As our planet might be the only one that has creatures, the species that become extinct might be the only one in the whole universe. Besides, until now, we do not now know about all creatures exactly, some creatures could be useful to mankind. Due to this, they insist strongly on preserving the habitats for lives.
On the other hand, others argue that there are more crucial issues than extinction. Climate change makes our earth Earth hotter, so islands are disappearing, and icebergs are melting. Others say that microplastics in the ocean are the most harmful because it could affect marine creatures severely. In some areas, fine dust is the most undesirable problem because of its negative effect on human health.
In my opinion, they are all critical issues because they are all connected. They can affect each other issue, and they are all threats to mankind. We cannot survive alone in the earth. We have to harmonize with other lives and we must conserve the earth for the creatures and for our own's sake. We must focus on and care about all these issues without picking one issue.
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