이게 topic이고 저는 이렇게 적었습니다.
These days, some people argue that music does not allow people to remind different cultures and ages at the same time. However, I firmly believe that it shows not just the expressions of many eras but also a nation's history.
To begin with, it is undeniable that music describes lots of generations' lifestyles together. In general, many people, who are different ages, tend to share unique opinions through music. To illustrate a good example of this, tender generations in Korea are into pumping into pop music as well as making their own cultures like a trend wearing flat caps. Moreover, they delight in going into clubs in order to appreciate hip hop music. In contrast, senior citizens are in favour of listening to trot music or jazz. With the effects of these musics, they prefer staying in calm and relaxed places. Thus, when two generations get together with each other, they are more likely to have conflicts. (이러면 오히려 bring together 와는 거리가 멀어지죠.)
On top of that, music is an ideal method to show many countries' historical values and cultures. To be specific, humans have depended on music in many fields since the prehistoric era. As a matter of fact, our ancestors in the ancient era had valued music as a means of performing rituals to pray for maintaining a peaceful life. However, as time has flown, the roles of music have changed from celebrating national ceremonies to alleviating stress. At this moment, some people generally listen to the music when commuting to work or putting their feet up at flat.
To sum up, music has contributed to expressing people's different backgrounds as well as many countries' history. For these reasons, I see eye to eye on this topic. (42 minutes, 282 words)
항상 감사합니다. 비밀번호는 1234입니다.
총평: 현재 논제를 살짝 잘못 해석하신 것 같은데, 논제의 bring together 는 기본적으로 화합으로 보시면 됩니다. 즉, 현재 statement 에 동의하게 되면, 문화의 경우 세계 각국의 BTS 팬들이 의미를 전혀 이해할 수 없는 한국어로 된 노래를 떼창하거나, 미스/미스터트롯을 통해 젊은 세대와 기성 세대가 공감하는 내용 등으로 채워주시면 돼요. 아마 갓파님 평소 실력을 고려했을 때 이번 글은 단순 실수로 보여집니다. '음악이 세대와 국가의 차이를 표현하는 수단' 과는 아무 관련이 없으므로 주의해주세요~
이번 글도 표현상 문제는 거의 없어서 이쪽에서 최소 점수는 벌어가겠지만, 내용의 경우는 상당 부분 감점을 감수하셔야 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)