Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport or physical education from the curriculum. How important is sport or PE in a young person's education |
처음 작성한 에세이구요,,, 최선을 다했지만 너무나 부족한 에세이란걸 느꼈습니다. 부디 꼼꼼한 지적 부탁드립니다.
In modern society, most of popular occupation is in the type of business occupation. -> most of job is relatied with business. As a result, many schools emphasize the importance of business education. (many schools focus on business classes rather than physical education.) On the other hand, many schools think not to be important about sport or physical education.->consider physical education not to be important. It is surely the caused of some problem as increase fat childs ->This situation causes serious problem such as childhood obesity I would like to tell you about the importance of sport. Firstly, sport can prevent children from fatness Recently, fatness childlen is increasing. In other words, many young people become grow fat. Naturally, it is cause of overeating too. However there is cause that school's lack of understanding about importance of sport too. I was also fat in child->a fat child. However I made a good body through sport class at school. Because I was interested in physical trainning through sport class. In this way, sports give to children about sport motivation->말이안되네요;; 운동은 아이들에게 운동자극을 준다;; Secondly, sport industryment highly developed now. For instance, some sport player has a salary over $2000000000 In this way, sports industryment has bright future. In conclusion, the impact of sport cannot be underestimated. If they have correct understanding , they should raise the sport curriculum. Young people can gain bright future and control of health in sport. It is clear, therefore the schools should understand about importance of sports.
전반적으로 한국어를 영어로 고친듯한 느낌이 많네요;; |