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It is true that young adults can be had easily lots of effects on their life from their family, their friends or the media. Some people insist that the media has the most influences on their lives while others argue that they are easiest to have some effects from their family. However, in my opinion, their friends affect most importantly on their life.>> 가족들이 더 영향을 준다는 걸 먼저 언급한 뒤 친구가 가장 큰 영향을 준다고 생각한다. 나는 후자에 동의한다 식으로 부드럽게 해주는 것이 좋을 듯 싶네요 왔다갔다하는 느낌이 있어요
In the first place, almost adolescents are easy to get several influences on their lives from their family as well as the media. Their family must have a sense of responsibility to raise well their sons and daughters. They had grown up with their family since childhood. Therefore, they can imitate their family simply. Furthermore, the media such as radios, TVs is one of the easiest things to approach for to our children. In addition, our children are used to watching TV nowadays.
In the second place, one of the most important influence is their friends. In modern, young adults spend most of their time on eating, drinking and playing hanging out with their friends. One of the friends, for example, does something such as exercise. It can be shared between close friends and they cannot>> cannot 은 붙여씁니다 recognize what thing is correct thing or not even for crime.
To sum up, there are many effects on their lives. Nobody can say growing child can grow up alone without family, the media or their friends. Everything >> 붙여써주세요 can have an effect on their life. However, I believe that their friends are the most significant influence on their lives.
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친구에 대한 내용이 위에 본론1과 분량도 비슷하고 딱히 강조된단 느낌이 없었습니다
Task Achievement - 5
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |