▶ Your Answer : There are many debates about responsibility of the governments of wealthy nations to share their wealth with poorer nations >> sharing their wealth between rich and poor countries. Some people thinks wealthy nation should be required to help poorer nations. Other people insists that there is only responsibility of poorer governments to look after their citizens themselves. I agree with the former idea for some reasions. In a view of social responsibility, human's right and the advantage for the >> world 는 the 와 같이 다닙니다 whole world society to improve poorer nation's condition, so I suggest wealthy nations help poorer contries for better future of world society. Fifst of all, every country has social responsibility. There is no doubt that every country in all over the world needs various transactions with other countries for their own economy. All of the countries gain a profit from communication trade with other countries. Even if some countries are significantly much richer than other countries, these wealthy countries have the responsibility for returing some proportion of their wealth to other poorer countries because their wealth naturally came from cooperation in society. Secondly, sharing some proportion of their wealth is also beneficial to wealthy countries. Let me give a simple example.For example, after world war ll, South Korea>> 가운데 - 빼주세요 became an independent country, but it was too poor to live with have a meal in a day. South Korea had gotten a lot of helps from other rich countries such as England, the USA and so on. After 50 years, now South Korea is helping other poor countries with wealthy countries by sharing whole responsibility and become one of the greatest markets of technical items for other wealthy countries.Without help from wealthy countries, South Korea could not have been>> could have pp는 ~할 뻔 했다입니다 결국은 못했다는 뜻입니다 such a developed country. Finally, we should consider the right of people in poorer countires. To be specific, famine in Africa has been a serious problem for a long time. Even though poorer countries still struggle on economy, some governments of poorer countries cannot>>cannot 붙여써주세요 satisfy even fundamental needs of people in their countries. The people who were born in poorer countries have rights like such as >> like보다 such as가 좋습니다 people of wealthy countries, but they should live without any quality of life because they wear born in poorer countries. As a view of the human right, their rights should be protected by helps from some countries which are already developed.
Lastly, but not least I wish to say that wealthy countries cannot deny that they have responsibility to help other poorer countries. It is not legal duty of course, but divine duty to makes world society better places to live for all mankind. ( or all human being..... ><)
읽어주셔서 감사합니다... 첨삭 해주시면 정말 감사하겠습니다! --------------------- 마지막 줄은 문법에 맞춰서 바꿔드렸지만 신성한 혹은 신의 임무 이런 식의 내용은 오류라고 봅니다 글이 우선 굉장히 깁니다 긴 글에서 다양한 논거라면 좋지만 반복되는 말이 많네요 반복되는 단어 countries poor wealthy 등 많이 보입니다 다양한 어휘를 사용해주세요 마지막에 괄호한 것은 본 시험이 아니니 괜찮지만 본 시험에선 절대 용납되지 않습니다 문법도 콤마까지 세세하게 봐주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다
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