▶ Your Answer :
The chart illustrates
the percentage of students with part-time jobs in Australia between 1983 and 2003,
and the table describes the mean hours>> mean hours가 무엇인가요? of part-time work for students and years
to finish their degree.
First of all, it
is noticeable that the rate of part-time jobs increased from 1983 to 2003 in
all ages. The 20 to 24 group always accounted for high rate over all generations,
at about 55% and 75% from in 1983 and in 2003 respectively. Comparing to the range of increasing
in other groups, that of 17 to19 group was the largest at about (from) 30% to 65%.
Turning to the
table, the average paid hours of part-time work was 14.4 hours in 2003, which was
over twice as much as that in 1983. On the other hand, the average years to
complete degree dropped five to four years.
To sum up, the
most outstanding feature of these chart and table the both chart is was an increase of the
percentage of students with part-time jobs and the average paid hours of part-time
work in all ages the most인데 너무 큰 범위를 말하고 있네요. There seems to be a correlation between the rate of students with par-time jobs and the average paid per part-time work hours. However, the mean period >> mean ~~ 이 어떤 뜻인지 잘 모르겠네요 of finishing their degree decreased
slightly.
혹시 mean을 평균의 의미로 쓰신 것이 아닌가 싶은데 안 쓰시길 바라는 쪽으로 말씀드리고 싶긴 합니다 하지만 제가 모르는 부분일수도 있기에 확인해보시는 편이 좋으시구요 필요없는 부분 중복되는 부분 등은 지워드렸습니다 Task1 중 본론을 구성하는 요소를 잘 써주셔서 좋았습니다 오버뷰-디테일의 과정이 잘 나타나있네요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0을 드리지만 조금만 보완하시면 6.5도 충분하다고 봅니다 |