> > 2014-06-17 20:42:17, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Your Answer :
| As our living standard has improved, more people than expected are traveling all over the world, from which they seems It is regarded as a positive trend in terms of earning a huge amount of essential and useful experiences. In this essay, its pros will be addressed as follows. |
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To start with, most people are able to learn through unpredictable events. >> 여기까지 주장으로 끊어주시구요 If tourists visit some attractive spots, they may be preoccupied with looking around the attractions without any criminal recognition such as being stolen or missing transport while traveling. For instance, by missing a train, they will learn how to be punctual and how >> 바로 to가 나오면 learn to 라고 걸리게 보일 수도 있기에 확실하게 하기 위해 how를 붙여줍니다 to manage appropriately the time appropriately, which ultimately results ultimately in gaining a plenty of social skills. |
Secondly, another reason is that experiencing directly various cultures will contributes to academic achievements. In that A travel enables not only >> not only but also 구문에서 also 는 생략해도 되지만 only는 생략해선 뜻이 안 됩니다 adults but also children>> 이 부분에선 not only~~ 구문 보단 both adults and children 이 좋겠습니다 to have a more creative approach to their work based on exciting events. Furthermore, to take a break through a trip will aid people relieve stress and rather give a sort of comfort, leading to higher life quality. >> furthermore는 주장을 추가하는 것을 가리키는 부사입니다 주장은 이미 두개로 충분합니다 |
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In conclusion, taking all the things into consideration, no one can deny the great advantages generated from traveling. Thus, given that the positive effects towards people caused by it, our society should not ignore and underestimate the influence of traveling and rather the government including , school, and company need to encourage their people to travel as much as possible. |
우선 글이 네 개의 칼럼 식으로 나뉘었는데 똑바로 정렬하는 법을 잊는 바람에 그대로 작성드려서 보시기 불편하신 점에 대해 사과드리겠습니다 우선 서론 본론1(주장 하나) 본론2(주장 둘) 결론으로 주장을 총 두개를 구성하게 됩니다 그 주장도 주장 - 주장에 대한 설명 - 예시의 형태로 진행되는 경우가 가장 대표적인 경우이자 가장 모범적인 본론 구성의 틀이구요 글자수는 약 200자 정도로 50자 정도가 모자랍니다 50자 정도라면 2~3 줄 정도가 모자란 분량인데 이 부분에서 논리적인 면이나 설득력 전달력 등이 많이 떨어지게 됩니다 문장이 길어지면 문법 실수가 유발되는게 보이는데 한 문장은 약 한 줄에서 한 줄 반 정도 (약 20단어~30 단어 정도) 가 적절할겁니다 단어도 다양하게 작성해주세요 계속 travel 만 나오게 되네요 trip 이나 대명사로 받아주거나 하는 법을 아셔야합니다
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 |
5.0 예상합니다