▶ Your Answer :
In the modern society, many cooking machines and preserved the way of making food has been made or invented easy and fast. Those things help people to cook more easier than the past time >> In terms of that, it enriches public's life with some reasons below. In my belief, there are a few reasons why the ways, which make easy to cook, advance human's life. >> 서론 다시 작성해보세요 우선 밑줄과 가로 줄 친 부분들 삭제해주시구요
Firstly, people do not need to spend a lot of time in cooking >> 이건 이미 위에 언급된 내용이니 people can spend their time on enjoying life, not cooking. In modern society These days, people always seem always busy from for their job, and they complain they need more time to do other things like meeting with friends and have more time with family. However, the busyness can be done alleviated by saving more time from cooking. Nowadays, for example, people can find good cooking tools or instant foods. It significantly saves time. Especially, students can put more time into study and work, which lead to better grades.
Next, tasting different kinds of foods has been become very important. It was a hard things to do in the past because there were not enough cooking tools, preserved foods, >> 콤마는 or 앞에 들어갑니다 or , frozen foods. Furthermore, some food is very hard to prepare and need special tools. >> furthermore는 다른 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다 People can easily get any kind of foods in market, and cook at home. For instance, people in Korea did not really have way to cook stake at home until people can buy oven. However, Korean easily cook stake by using oven and setting time. >> 주장부터 문제와 연결되지 않아서 본문 전체가 글과 따로 놀게 됐습니다
In modern time, people need to save more time to do what they want, and they want to taste more food. Those things can be achieved by many ways. I believe the easier to cook, the better life for people. >> the 비교급 사용하지 말아주세요 결론도 주장과 관련이 없습니다 준비하기 쉬운 음식이 사람의 삶을 향상시켜주냐에 대한 결론이 사람들은 그들이 원하는 것을 하기 위해 시간을 아낄 필요가 있다 이것들은 많은 방법에 의해 성취될 수 있다 맞지 않습니다
300 자 체우진 못했습니다 ㅠ -----------------------------
300자 가 아니라 250자 이상이면 됩니다 그래서 글자수 요건에서 충족했고 지금 정도 길이가 좋습니다 걱정마시구요. 각 문단 첫 시작엔 한 칸 들여쓰고 써주세요
고쳐드렸습니다 논리상 문제가 보입니다 중간에 오프토픽이 난 것으로 채점이 되겠네요 문법을 좀 더 공부해보시고 Task1 써주세요
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |