▶ Your Answer :
When I was a little girl, I used to dream of having wild animals as a pet, such as panda, penguin, and so forth; however, I knew that it is impossible to have them in reality for some reasons. It is obvious that most of (한정사 사용 주의, 문법 복습해주세요) wild animals are hardly handled by human beings. That is, people would eventually reach the limitation to handle them. Also, the animals have a right to live where they want to and have to, which is “wild”-environment; therefore, human beings should respect the life of wild animals in natural environment. I firmly believe that people should not be allowed to have wild animals as pets.
Unlike pets people generally have: cats or dogs, wild animals are hardly tamed by human beings. Since the wild animals act on their wild instinct, it is hard to handle them without specific knowledge of the characteristics of wild animals. Some people who consider to have a wild animal might expect the animals to act like cats or dogs; however, they would realize that wild animals cannot be pets. As soon as people realize it, they would feel to reach the limitation to have wild animals. How many of people would take a responsibility for the wild animal even if it requiresd many a lot of/much efforts to take care of wild animals? (아이엘츠 라이팅에서는 자기 의견을 내는 에세이기 때문에 의문형은 주로 사용되지 않습니다)
As human beings socialize with others, so do wild animals. Wild animals get close along with each other to survive in wildlife, which means that they have to stay with wildlife to survive. In natural environment, rules of wildlife exist and, by following the rules, wild animals can survive. If people took one of the animals and had them in their home due to men’s greed, the wild animals could not survive among humans. The natural environment is the place where wild animals have to live.
Although people are stronger than wild animals (Is this true???), people should respect the wildlife regarding that all we are creatures that live on earth together. Wild animals deserve to stay with wildlife and human beings should respect their right to live where they live.
For these reasons, I strongly argue that people should not be allowed to have wild animals as pets because not only wild animals are hardly tamed by people, but also they have a right to stay with wildlife as creature on earth as human beings.
SCORE: 5.5-6
Comment: 서론/본론/결론에 다 비슷한 내용/단어/표현만 반복되고 있습니다. 대학 에세이나 일반적인 글이 아닌 아이엘츠 라이팅의 형식과 형태를 더 공부하실 필요가 있습니다. |