More and more people shop at big shopping malls these days. what are the advantages and disadvantages of individuals and society?
Enormous market places owned by multinational companies nowadays find it easy (여기서 it 가 무엇을 의미 하는지 모르겠습니다) all over world. The markets are selling multiple and high quality of merchandises available to more people. From my point of view, this has had a destructive effect on our life in two ways as below.
To begin, let me consider why some people contend buying products from big marketplaces. Certainly, there are assets to purchasinge some goods from the malls because of low prices and convenience. On the other hand, it is not convenient for every one, especially people who lives in the countryside or poor areas without transportation. For example, most of shopping centers in Korea are centralized in metropolitan. Therefore, some people in rural areas moved to a big city due to the fact that there are lacks of stores in their neighborhood. It can lead to a gravitation of population towards the cities as well. Moreover, small rural shops need a minimum of customers to survive. Aside from this, powerful shopping markets invade local markets with their products, they usually force regional shopping areas to go out of business. As a result, we are obligated to shop at the malls whether we like them or not. Even though people want to buy identical goods wherever they live, local markets would be hard to find.
To conclude, I believe that if we as voters address the problems to our governments to make the companies of shopping centers more responsible, we could have the benefits of massive multiple markets without its weak point. Thus, local products and stores should be protected from outside competition so that everyone can enjoy the shopping.
Score: 4
Comment: Marketplace랑 mall는 다른 의미를 가지고 있습니다. 같은 의미 두 단어를 이 에세이를 쓰시면 reader가 헷갈려 할 수 있습니다. 전체적으로 질문을 잘 이해 못하신거같아요. 사람들이 big shopping mall를 이용하면서 개인이나 사회에게 어떤 장/단점이 있는지 물어보고 있습니다. 글쓴이의 에세이는 다른 이야기를 하고 있습니다. 그리고 2번째 문단을 두 개로 나누는게 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문단 안에 장/단점이 둘다 있습니다. 이 내요을 두 문단으로 정리해서 쓰시면 읽기가 더 편할겁니다.