▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, a long distance trip is getting popular among people. However, after traveling, there are some factors that make people biased. The aim of this essay is to elaborate the factors responsible for this issue and suggest some solutions to address it.
First of all, one of the reasons why people are annoyed is unexpected costs of products. Each country has diverse currency, which means even though you purchased the same brand goods in a country you traveled, cost could be totally unique. For this reason, you might feel uncozy<(??이런 단어는 처음 들어봅니다) . Hence, what needs to be done is to get plenty of information about as to exchange rates and prices before you leave. If there are necessary goods while traveling, you had better take them not to have hard time gaining as well as not to wast amount of budget. <(이 문장의 의미를 모르겠습니다. 무슨 말씀을 하시는지 이해가 잘 안갑니다)
Secondly, too complex and busy schedule could have you feel tired and prejudiced. A journey general people imagine is getting some rest and getting refreshed. Unfortunately, many visiting targets could spoil the trip due to physical exhaustion. Walking and hiking require huge body power. Without taking a break, it is hard to keep a trip continuously. Thus, it could be done to solve the problem mentioned above, idling in a trip should be included to refill exploited energy. Also, if possible, using a bus or taxi help to reduce fatigue and make the next day ready to travel.
According to BBC survey in 2009, people who took a break for more than a day in their travel showed much more satisfaction and had better memories as for about the trip.<(이 문장을 따로 쓰시는게 아니라 위 문단과 함께 써주시는게 좋습니다)
Overall, in spite of good points of traveling, some reasons make a trip unimpressive. Through two solutions, people can overcome the problems and enjoy a trip.
Score:4.5 Comment: 일단 에세이 내용이 질문을 답해 주고 있지만 논리성이 떨어집니다. 그 이유는 내용이 잘 설명이 되어있지 않고 연결성이 부족합니다. 또한 단어를 꾸며주는 표현들이 틀리고 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 어색하게 들리는 문장들이 일부 있습니다. |