▶ Your Answer :
In modern society, people have different opinions on effect on children's development. Some assert that family members have the most influence on children's development. However, others believe that children's surrounding environment is the most important for their development. This essay will outline both this views and present some reasons. To begin with, some people believe family member's role is the most crucial. It is evident that children usually just follow their parents' or their brothers' and sisters' behaviors. It means family habits can strongly affect to their progress. In addition, children spend most of their time with their parents. Through this time, children can build their personalities and advancement which affects to their future lives naturally. However, I strongly believe that children's surrounding environment takes the most vital role. This is because having relationship with their peers and teachers children can develop both their social skills and relationship skills. Moreover, parents these days do not have much time to spend with their children. Therefore, they usually spend most of their a lot of time in their surrounding environmental situation without family members. According to the research conducted by Korean National University, it illustrates that the peers who attend and spend most of their time at a same classroom have stronger development connection than the twines<(what do you mean by twines?) who study in different environments of school. Thus, surrounding environmental situation is more important than their domestic environment. Overall, children usually take look after their family's behavior and lifestyles. Thus, it seems to affect to their development directly. However, children these days tend to spend much more time in their surrounding environment. Thus, their development can be influenced by that time. Therefore, I strongly believe that, it is more influential influence on their development ultimately. Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 표현과 문장구조에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |