▶ Your Answer :
The graph shows the amount of the population
aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and USA
Overall, the general trend of the three countries increased in different ways. Among the countries, there is a dramatic change in
the figure for japan.
According to the data, both the USA and Sweden's
trends are similarly upward. However, there is a noticeable change. In 1940,
the proportion of the USA aged 65 and over was higher than Sweden's figure
which were 7 and 10 per cent respectively, while in 1997, it is expected that
the figure for Sweden will be higher than the USA, with 26 per cent and 24 per
cent respectively. <(1997년도의 Sweden과 USA의 figure은 20% 이하 였습니다. 또한 Sweden의 population of aged 65 and over이 1990년대에 dramatically increase하기 시작하고 USA의 proportion이 조금 decrease하면서 Sweden의 figure이 USA figure를 넘었다고 전달을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. )
As can be seen, the population of elderly
people in Japan decreased steadily from 1940 to 1987. But it recovered its
figure in 2002, and then it will be expected to climb up continuously until
2030, at a population of 10 per cent. By 2040 it will be predicted to reach its
peak, at a population of 27 per cent which is the highest per cent among the
countries.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 정리해주셨습니다. 잘못 전달이 된 정보가 하나 있습니다. Numerical data support의 accuracy에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 또한 numerical data를 조금 더 전달을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 silly mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시고 비교를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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