The chart illustrates the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales form 1918 to 2011.
Overall, What what stands out from the chart is that a totally different trend
was seen in the rate of owned and rented accommodation over 93 years. (여기는 문법만 바꿔드린 건데, 내용상 이렇게 쓰면 절대 안 됩니다. 이에 대해서는 총평에서 링크를 하나 드릴게요.)
An interesting point in the percentage of households in owned accommodation is that it went up continuously, and finally, it surpassed the figure of rented accommodation after 1917, when the figure of both represented the same at 50% (단위는 절대 타협 불가입니다. 생략하는 일이 없도록 주의해주시고, 다른데에도 싹 넣어주세요~). Then, the highest percentage was seen in 2001, reaching around 70.
Looking at the proportion of households in rented accommodation, it dropped consistently from the highest figure at approximately 78 in 1918 to 30 in 2001. The share of households renting accommodation remained below the share of owning accommodation after 1917, while the gap between two percentages was the biggest when the first year in the chart.
Another interesting point is the percentage of two sectors has shown showed a slightly different trend in from the last ten years. The figure of households in owned
and rented accommodation decreased and increased relatively.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
글을 쓰면서 의식하셨을지는 모르겠지만, 지금 모든 문장들이 죄다 the ~~ of ~~ 로 되어있기 때문에 문장 구조 자체에 대한 패러프레이징이 필요한 상황입니다. 단순히 share 를 percentage 등으로 바꾼다고 해결되는 건 아니고요.
Overview 의 경우는 밑의 링크를 한번 읽어보시면 되겠습니다.
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_story&p=2&type=url&uid=469784
수고하셨습니다 :)