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Recently, some people encouraging children to take a private tutors because some parents believe, that private lecture the tutoring can teach their kids well >> some people 에 관한 동사는 어디 있나요? 또한 believe 다음 콤마는 빼주세요. And >> 문두에 and or also so but은 쓰지 않습니다 they regard think that it can even makes children to achieve higher scores in their academic tasks even. In my opinion, the private lecture one is not a mandatory option. I will give some reasons which are supporting my opinion in this essay.
To begin with, private teachers give specific and well-organized lectures to students>> 여기까지가 딱 주장입니다, therefore >> therefore 부사라 접속사처럼 두 문장을 이어주는 기능이 없습니다 it might be worried that students will be dependent on only their tutors. Furthermore, well organized lectures make children, that don’t need to build their own study methods, which can cause juvenile laziness. >>furthermore은 다른 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다 쓰지 말아주세요 In summarize, children cannot improve their social skills, >> 콤마 빼주세요 due to private lectures. >> 예시가 없어서 무슨 맥락인지 전달력이 많이 떨어집니다
The second point is all about money, Secondly, man to man lessons seem to require huge amounts of money for the lesson fee. It is a common knowledge that private lecture is more expensive than other educational institutes. Hence, private lecture can affect negatively in the budget. For example, it is very common that,>> 콤마 빼주세요 both father and mother parnets have to work for earning money for their children's education. That is why, many families cannot spend their time altogether, that it obviously bad effect for affects negatively both children and parents. >> 지워주시구요 why 다음 콤마 안 들어가구요 altogether 다음 콤마 안 들어갑니다 I think, it is better to use the money to leisure or hobby, instead of education costs. Then parents don’t need to get lots of money and the family can enjoy their free time altogether. There is no doubt, spending leisure time with family is actually helping children’s education very much. >> 필요없는 다른 얘기들입니다 축약형 don't 같은거 do not 이라고 풀어 써주시구요 I think 다음엔 코마 안 들어갑니다 In my opinion 하고 콤마가 들어가죠 In my opinion이 더 좋은 표현이기도 하구요
As a result, due to some reasons that I mentioned above, I don’t I do not think that a private lecture is good for children’s education,>> even though가 주절보다 뒤에 나오면 콤마가 앞에 붙지 않습니다 그리고 문장 너무 깁니다 even though private lectures can improve student’s academic tasks results. >> because 만 단독으로 쓰지 않습니다 It is because it seems,>> 콤마 빼주세요 a private lesson has more drawbacks than advantages.
모든 문장에 오류가 있다시피 합니다 Task2를 쓰기엔 문법적으로나 논리적으로 모두 이르다고 생각합니다 Task1 으로 작성을 먼저 하셔야 하지만 가장 먼저 해야 할 것은 문법, 단어 공부입니다 아직 글 자체를 쓰기에 이른 감이 있긴 합니다 문법 너무 쉬운 것들마저 모두 틀려버립니다 서론 본론1과 분량이 똑같네요 절대 그래선 안 됩니다 서론 결론 합친 것보다 본론 하나가 길거나 비슷해야 합니다 서론=결론=2~3문장 본론1=본론2=4~6문장이기 때문이죠
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 3
4.5 예상합니다 |