Q. the environmental problem that today’s world is facing
are so great that there is little ordinary people can do to improve the
situation. So government and large organization should be responsible for reducing
the amount of damage being done to the environment (do you agree or disagree)
In today’s world, the environment has been suffering from activities by human beings., it It is quite a serious problem in our society and this happening that happen is
even-increasing ever year. As far as I am concerned, we may be able to improve the environment
problem individually by taking actions such as recycling and energy conservation but this
solution little cause little does not have an extensive effect. Therefore, the government and
major organizations have to consider how to reduce global warming and improve as the
eco-system.
First of all, many companies and factories release pollutants
and chemicals in the nature natural because it is easy and to fast to dump industrial
wastes, but this would lead to destroying the that circumstance lead to destroy eco-system. Moreover, wild animals'
habitats are depleted by large organizations from industrial waste from large organizations that occur
to break food chains as well as many wild animals could find fees even they could
starve to die. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) If those situations keep being processed processing, we should would accelerate the extinction of wild
animals extinction.
Further mover Furthermore, the government should have a plan on using
alternative energy commonly. Actually in Korea, many Koreans suffer from air
pollution and dust especially in spring. That season, most of Koreans wear a mask
because they have to protect their respiratory- system. For example, if someone
has a weak little immune-system, they might easily be exposed to a respiratory disease. As a
matter of pact, air pollution is extremely increasing every years, so the
government should figure out how to overcome the air pollution.
To summarize, the government and organization can should be
responsible to improve environment. If the factories do not release the chemical
wastes, that floras and fauna could maintain in their habitants. Moreover, if
the government are is able to control the fossil fuel very well, people could
breathe clearly. I strongly believe that the government con inform major
companies to reduce industrial wastes and should make strict laws the strict low.
총평: (6/6/5/5) 5.5
내용은 괜찮게 잡아주셨는데, 이에 비해 표현상 오류가 너무 많습니다. 문장을 대체로 흝어보면 문법에 대한 기본기가 아예 없는 건 아니지만, 자잘한 부분들이 누적되면서 점수에 악영향을 끼쳤다고 보시면 될 것 같아요. 6.0까지는 그렇다고 치더라도, 6.5 이상이 필요하면 반드시 이런 오류들을 최소한으로 줄일 수 있도록 해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)