> > 2014-05-19 16:56:46, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sporfs to younger children).
T o what extent do you agree or disagree? | |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people argue that unpaid community service should be included in the high school curriculum. I agree with the idea that high school students should take part in community activities and learn something valuable outside of the classrooms.
Firstly >> 뒤에 secondly가 있으니 처음엔 To begin with 이라고 시작해주세요, students could experience sense of connection from the unpaid community service. >> 주장 이런 식으로 항상 써주세요 깔끔하게 아주 좋습니다 Working for a charity, helping neighbourhood to improve their quality of life,>> 세개 이상일 땐 마지막 or 나 and 앞에서 콤마 넣어주세요 or teaching sports to younger children can make students feel that they are one of the members of the community. Students will enjoy the fact volunteering that they are contributing to the society where they live in. For example, I felt I was a valuable person when I took part in the community service in my high school, which was cleaning the contaminated shoreline. Encouraged from the experience, so >> 문장이 길어 끊어드렸습니다 I still take part in those kinds of activities whenever I can.
Secondly, it will be not easy for young students to find opportunities themselves if schools do no have offer the voluntary-work programs for them. It is because normally students are normally preoccupied with academic study performances and there are not enough time for them to consider about contributing to their own community. However, once they have chances to attain experiences>> 어떤 경험이죠?, they might be willing to help others again in the future even when they become adults. For this reason, I believe it is the best to give students chances to engage activities for the community so that we can ensure that students grow up as valuable members of our society.
In conclusion, I believe that it is undoubtly a good idea to have unpaid community service in high school curriculum so that students can learn it is important not only to achieve high grades but also being helpful members of society.
우선 질문에 답해드리자면 아뇨 예시는 개인적인 경험이 오히려 좋습니다
예시라고 하면서 어디 연구 결과 이런 것보다 훨씬 좋습니다
제가 말했던 개인적인 의견은 문제에서 주어지지 않은 그냥 번외의 생각을 말씀드렸었지 않았나 싶습니다
이번 글 정말 구성이 좋습니다 잘 쓰셨습니다
약 270자의 글을 다른 글들의 Task1에 비해서도 빠르게 읽혔습니다
본론의 구성이 정말 좋습니다 잘 쓰셨습니다 다만 아쉬운 단어 부분 등은 제가 조금씩 고쳐드렸으니 참고해보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 | |
이렇게 개인적인 경험을 예로 드는 것도 개인적 의견에 해당되어 부적절할까요...
지난 번 참석해주신 부분 참고하기 전에 쓴 것이라 일단 그대로 첨부해 봅니다..