▶ Your Answer :
Money is necessary ocassion for living, so we work to earn money. As many people spend much time at work places, job satisfaction is an important subject. I suggest that three big factors contribute to job satisfaction.
First, salary that I will be paid. As I mentioned above, we need to money to live. From food, clothes and a house, basic categories to details such as travel and raising children, money is always the top on the list. Actually, it is also a very significant factor when choosing to choose a job.
Second, what I conduct at work. We spend over half of the day half-a day at work. It means a job could decide a life. Depending on personalities and values, we all have different occupations. Some people prefer to get office jobs and others want to become movie stars or sports players. However, if they do not suit for the position where they are now, it will be difficult to continue.<(본론이 무엇인지 잘 모르겠습니다)
Third, colleagues who I work with. We usually do not work alone. Most of them<(who are them?) have and need their positions as companions at work. They cooperate with each other and make projects together as a team. Sometimes, they are required proper feed-back from their career and friends who can discuss decisions to make in the same field with.
In conclusion, I believe whatever the occupation I would have, harmonious three points given above, payment, career complacent and colleagues will give job satisfaction.
Score: 3.5 Comment: 에세이가 많이 informal 하게 들립니다. Formal essay 에는 I, we, us, our를 안쓰시는게 좋습니다. 또한 질문을 fully satisfy 하지 않으셨습니다. 글쓴이는 job satisfaction에 대해서 서술을해주셨지만 두 번째 질문인 이러한 job satisfaction이 얼마나 현실적인지 에 대해서는 답해주지 않습니다. 그 외에는 clear하지 않는 부분도 있습니다. 문법상 spelling에 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. Proofreading을 하셔서 spelling mistakes에 조금 더 주의를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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