It is true that, in modern society, wild wide animals lost their habitats by the development of developing human civilization. It is argued whether keeping wide life just drains resources or not. However, I strongly, however, disagree with this statement. (내용 연결이 안됩니다) I would recommend that it is necessary to protect wild animals, because there are some benefits which are economical and educational academic aspect.
The first reason is that we can earn financial values with living wild animals. For example, people can build national parks to make money as well as create jobs. Nowadays, many people want to go to wild life sanctuaries as tour packages to relieve their stress. In addition, natural resources occasionally are occasionally made by some species of them. The excretion of Albatross which is a kind of bird changes the phosphate rock as time passes. It is used as the main material of chemical fertilizer which means they provide human race with valuable resources. <(야생 동물로 돈을 벌수 있다 라는 내용은 조금 부정적이게 들립니다)
Secondly, they can help learn academic studies (academic studies라고 하기에는 교육적인것을 배우게 되는게 아니라 그저 미래를 예측하거나 인간이 살아가는데에 도움을 주는 내용을 서술해주셨습니다). According to BBC(2015), scientists can expect the future of the mankind through changing the past of wild life animals <(??) and we can analyze analysis how to handle the crisis of the earth. Furthermore, most zoologists hope to keep them to research their natural character. It is very difficult if they become extinct, because it is hard to check their habit without direct observation in direct. For instance, most theories are inference about the dinosaurs.<( theories of what?)
In conclusion, nowadays, many people do not want to protect wild animals, because we have to waste many a lot of natural resources. I believe, however, that wild life gives us many benefits about financial and scientific value.
Score: 4 Comment: 이 에세이도 task를 fully satisfy하지 않으셨습니다. 글쓴이는 wildlife has no place in the 21st century와 protection is a waste of resource에 대한 의견을 써주셨어야합니다. 글쓴이는 후자에 대해서만 서술해주셨습니다. 내용상 specificity 에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |