▶ Your Answer :
Museums are the place for the educational
purposes, especially about art, history and science. Therefore, these places are
visited by many students to learn about those subjects. However, there is a
conflicting view of whether charging for admission fees are beneficial or not have not settled yet. In
my opinion, the admission fees will be ploughed back into operation which can
be used for the future development. (Need better transition)
Most of the population would be at an advantage advantageous to
access museums for free of charge. In the case of free entrance to a museum is entrance free,
anybody can access this place for educational purposes. <need better coherence> Since many developing
countries or people who are suffered from poverty, are not cannot be able to visit
museums, it would be logical making it free of charge. Therefore, it would be
better to have no admission fees charge it free for the educational purposes enjoyed by everyone.
However, by charging the fees to visitors,
museums can use this money as an investment. Museums required some finances for
the maintenance of heritages. Without any finances from the public, museums
would face the difficulty to preserve heritages in a good condition to receive
more visitors. <need better cohesion> Museums can acquire other heritages by using the money from
admission fees. Therefore, museums can expand their collections by acquiring
more treasures from overseas by charging admission fees. This would be
beneficial for the visitors to broaden their views by looking at a broad range
of collections presented by the museums. Therefore, it is important to acquire
some finances as a form of entrée fees for the museum.
In conclusion, the disadvantages of
admission fees are overshadowed by its advantages. Therefore, despite its
educational purpose for everyone, I am convinced that the admission fee should
be charged for the maintenance purposes.
Score: 6 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 표현에 신경을 써주시고 더 다양한 표현을 쓰시면 좋을 것 같습니다. Repetitive하게 들리는 표현들이 일부 있습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |