▶ Your Answer :
The
censorship was not used until recently, because the inappropriate contents were
not enlightened by the government, especially in the US (since 19th century,
the censorship in films increased). Since the contents of the films
increasingly contain violence, cruelty, religious issues, vulgarity and obscenity, the
usage of the censorship increased. However, in my perspective the censorship
does not improve the quality of the movie, because it the censors can distract
viewers from the story of the movie. Therefore, the censorship should be removed.
A
film that embraced the artists' expression and the freedom of speech, it can be
used as a tool to interact with the audience. The film directors can manage all
the fine details inside of the film in order for the viewers to understand the
flow of the progress and the artists' expression. If those slightest details are would
be censored, the viewers will focus on to those details rather than the big picture of
the progress. (Need better coherence/cohesion) The audiences may not be able to understand the artists'
expressions in the film. In the case of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the
Christ", it got censored for the religious issues which can be seen as the
prevention of expression of the artists. Therefore, the censorship would
prevents the understanding and interpretation of the artists' expression and the
ideas.
(Need better transition)
The
publics and the audiences may not be able to feel entertained by films if films
are continuously censored. Even though people may get censored to prevent all
the cruelty, violence and vulgarity, they will face the difficulty to understand
the flow of the scenes. (Need better cohesion) People might get the feeling of 'black out' moments by
watching censored films. (Need better coherence/cohesion) People may get the wrong image from the censors, and
that could lead them to form the wrong ideas. When people realise the films got
censored, people may get furious and disappointed by the whole movie. (Need better coherence/cohesion) The
public had sued the private censorship institution for the censoring of
"Fifty Shades of Grey" and claimed to be uncensored in the UK <(unclear). This
can be seen as a the great example, because this movie has taken away the
entertainment and understanding parts of the story. Therefore, the censorship
would prevents the entertainment parts of the audiences.
In
conclusion, even though censorship can be used for hiding inappropriate
contents within the films, the censorship should be revealed for the
improvement of film quality. The censorship it would prevents the audiences to
understand and interpretation the story, and also prevent as well as the entertainment.
Therefore, the censorship should be left out bailed-out from the film industry.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 전체적으로 coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 내용 연결성이 떨어지면 에세이의 흐름도 떨어지기 때문에 조금 헷갈리게 들리거나 잘 organize가 안된 것 처럼 들릴 수 있습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐쥐시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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