▶ Your Answer :
The two pie charts given depict the information
of average household spending by five different categories of Japan and
Malaysia that are ‘housing’, ‘transport’, ‘food’, ‘health care’ and ‘other goods
and services’ in 2010.
In general, Japanese family spent more on
transportation, health care, and other goods and services while Malaysian
family invested more on housing fee and food in the year 2010.
To be specific, the percentages of
transportation and health care expenditures in Japan are exactly the double of
the percentages in Malaysia, reaching 20% and 6% respectively. And Japanese also
invest more on other goods and services than Malaysian with 29%, figure which is
3% higher than Malaysia. However, in terms of housing and food, while Malaysian
people put 34% and 27% of their expenditures on housing and food, Japanese only
shows 21% and 24% figure in the same categories respectively.
In conclusion, we can observe some specific
points that compared to Japan, Malaysian people might felt pressure on paying
for their housing fee which consisted 34% of total spending which is the
largest expenditure percentage among all researched categories. On the
contrary, Japanese family put 20% of their total spending on transport, that is
almost the same as their housing fee, while Malaysian people only spent 10% on
transport which is less than 1/3 of the housing fee.<(불 필요한 내용입니다. 위 문단의 내용과 같습니다. 또한 Task 1에서는 overview를 써주셨기 때문에 conclusion은 따로 필요가 없습니다.)
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. Silly mistakes에만 주의를 해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 마지막 문단은 따로 필요없습니다. 그 위의 문단의 내용과 repetitive하며 overview를 써주셨고 analysis나 opinion이 필요없는 task이기 때문에 conclusion은 굳이 필요가 없습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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