Q. Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are some students who prefer studying their chosen occupations to studying regular subjects. However, I am in a neutral position about this statement since it can not only limit students’ future career but on the other hand, also provide more time to develop their skills.
Firstly, the reason why I partly disagree with this topic is because it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) tends to limit students’ future job. A future career is likely to be changed in adolescent period. Furthermore, they may find other jobs that fit more to them after they get various information about existent jobs in the class of regular subjects. In fact, one of Korean scientists a Korean scientist said his dream in secondary school was to become a cook, but it changed in high school while during studying biology. He added that it was good choice not to go for specialized high school for cooking in that age.
On the other hand, I also agree with it (여기도 윗 문단과 마찬가지로 보시면 되겠습니다.) at the point that there are more opportunities for students to develop their abilities deeply mainly focusing on their chosen occupations rather than regular subjects. It is true that people who have studied one area for a long time tend to be outstanding compare to others. Therefore, if some subjects are not necessary and required for their dream, studying those regular subjects would be a waste of wasting their time. For instance, some vocational careers such as makeup artists or cooks actually do not require high level mathematics or science. Therefore, Korea is providing a lot of specialized high schools for those students.
In conclusion, while studying students’ chosen occupations can be disadvantageous as they have less opportunities to learn other jobs, it can also be advantageous because they have more time to increase their skills in that field. For these reasons, i I am in a neutral opinion.
총평: (7/5/6/6) 6.0
빨간 부분이 그렇게 많지는 않은 것을 통해 확인할 수 있듯이, 전반적으로 표현상 문제가 되는 사항이 그렇~~게 많은 건 아니었습니다.
대신 지금과 같이 논제에 대해 중립적인 입장을 취하실 경우, 표현도 이에 맞게 매끄럽게 이어지도록 신경써주셔야 합니다. 대표적으로 서론의 Not only but also가 있는데, 해당 표현은 기본적으로 성격이 같은 두 개를 쓸 때에 한해서 가능합니다. 그러나 지금은 서로 성격이 반대되는 두 개를 not only but also 로 잇고 있기 때문에 적절하지 않고요.
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