Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
As
the internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로 극히 예외적인 경우를 제외하면 다 대문자 시작해주시면 됩니다. 그 예외에 대해서까지 들어갈 필요는 없고요.) improves, people can learn something through web content. For
instance, cooking was just the area of professional cooks, but individuals can follow cooking
by watching videos on websites. Nonetheless, it is said that web content should
be limited to from (기존 표현은, 어린이들만 쓸 수 있도록 제한되어야 한다~의 의미가 되어버립니다. 완전히 달라지죠.) children even for an educational purpose. Nevertheless, I firmly
believe that web content should actively be used to teach children when
considering the limitation of existing learning materials.
On
the one hand, children finally can be into become addicted to entertainment content so that they
will leave behind education and focus on watching the content. Since children
are the existence of curiosity, curiosity have a lot of curiosity, it causes them to find out other content.
As a result, the original aim, education, will not be achieved. For instance, on YouTube Youtube, there are several videos based on various topics. Also, with
artificial intelligence, irrelevant videos with education often appear. Children
will click them and they will be addicted to them if the video which they
choose is funny.
On
the other hand, web content can resolve the disadvantages of existing
educational materials like a book. The material tends to consist of writing and
pictures, which have an insufficient explanation. On the contrary, web content
makes helps children easy to easily understand what they are learning with many sources. Take the example of
English teaching videos on YouTube Youtube. They try to use different examples with
visual or audial aids to facilitate understanding. As this case reveals, the web
content can overcome the limitation limits of the existing one.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that web
content may fall children lead children to fall in the wrong way. However, the advantage (어떠한 장점인지를 요약해주셔야 합니다.) of web
content can contribute to education.
총평: (6/6/7/5) 6.0
어휘 쪽의 경우 괜찮은 표현들이 적재적소에 잘 쓰였는데, 이에 비해 문법 쪽은 이런저런 오류들이 보여서 아쉬웠네요. 6.5점 이상의 점수가 무조건 필요하시다면, 글을 쓰는 것과는 별개로 꼭 문법에 대한 어느정도의 보강은 해주세요! 7점 이상 필요한 학생들처럼 스파르타식으로 팔 것까지는 없지만 그래도 매일매일 조금씩은 문법 공부를 해주시는 게 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)