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It is believed that These days, learning a foreign language at a very young age is beneficial for learners. In this essay, reasons why children have to initiate learning the beginners into learning a foreign language from elementary school will be discussed. >> 문제에서 원하는게 나오질 않았네요 언어를 배우는 것에 중점을 둔게 아니라 초등과 중등 학생 중 어느 쪽이 더 나을지에 관한 주제입니다
To begin with, when it comes to learning new languages, the age is a crucial factor that determines better outcome of learning >> than what? . For example, a recent study showed that young learners' sense of acquiring new language is much flexible than old learners. This makes children consider the process of learning language as an enjoyable activity rather than studying a subject>>studying a subject ? 어떤 subject죠? 오히려 운동이나 수학, 과학 등보다 더 좋아한다 등으로 표현하는게 맞겠습니다. Besides, children who have been exposed to a foreign language since their early childhood showed better fluency as they absorb the language like the way they learn their mother tongue. >> besides가 나와서 다른 주장이 하나 더 나오게 됐네요 좋지 않습니다 또한 논리 흐름이 너무 불분명합니다 나이는 더 좋은 결과를 결정하는 중요한 요소다 -> 어떤 연구는 아이들의 언어 습득 감각이 나이 든 사람들보다 훨씬 유연하다고 했다-> 이게 아이들이 studying a subject하는 것보다 오히려 언어 습득 과정을 재밌는 활동이라고 생각하게 한다 ??
또한 주장을 제시했으면 설명이 나올 자리에 예가 바로 나왔네요 처음 서론을 잘못 설정해서 주장도 question에 맞지 않는 주장이 나왔구요
In addition, students who have already studied a second language for several years before they enter the secondary school or higher education the young have advantages to be excellent in their academic performances. Students who have already studied a second language for several years before they enter the secondary school or higher education Students are getting busier to study a wide range of subjects when they enter the middle school. However, For instance, if students have already studied foreing languages enough to follow the school curriculum, they do not need to spare time to study on studying a second language. Indeed, numerous secondary students are struggling to learn English because they don't do not have enough time and energy to study all subjects. >> 주장 설명 예시 형태가 제대로 잡히지 않았습니다 어느 부분에서 뭐가 나오는지 간단한 부사로 지시가 나타나있지도 않구요 (for instance 같은)
To conclude, like above, learning a foreign language from elementary school can bring numerous advantages for learners. Therefore, the government and the Ministry of Education should encourage children to initiate be trained to learn a foreign language as soon as possilble.
논리상 오류가 많습니다 단어에서도 충분히 대체할 것들이 있는데 반복이 보이긴 하구요 그리고 스펠링 오류 확실히 확인해주세요 또한 말씀드렸듯 Task에서 요구하는 바는 전혀 없고 마지막 결론에서만 조금 언급 됐습니다 글자수는 254자로 충족했구요 좀 더 부사도 쓰고 논리도 구성해보고 테스크를 잘 읽고 써보시는게 좋을 듯 싶습니다 우선 Task1을 써서 논리나 글에 대한 분석을 해보면서 정리해보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.0 예상합니다 |