▶ Your Answer :There is no doubt that there must be correct punishments for crimes regardless of types. The sin offender has to being punished (주어 설정 주의, 죄가 처벌받는 것이 아닌 사람이 처벌되어져야 합니다) and everyone knows that. However, it is also obvious that some critics and others are used to argue how we should punish them 누구? 대명사 사용 주의criminals? , such as, (such as 앞에만 콤마 붙습니다) whether there should be exactly fixed type of punishments or not. This essay will discuss both opinions and give my own opinion regarding this topic.
Some critics maintain put forward the opiniton that there must be fixed punishments for each type of crime. They asserts that it is mandatory, otherwise we will have to give some 'complicated' (강조 용법으로 사용하신 것 같으나 ' ' 쓰지 않습니다) individual space for 'each' (위와 마찬가지입니다) suspects (each 뒤에 단수 취급) generously. For example, all people can be given their own personal motivation why they did it. When we consider all of it, the punishment's effect will be faded, (콤마) so we can't cannot (아카데믹 에세이에서 다 풀어서 사용) punish all crimes equally. There is a famous old issue in Korea. One of the murderers (한정사 사용 복습해주세요) killed approximately 18 people. However, he had had sort of mental illness, so the court 법정이? or 판사가? reduced the amount of punishment 처벌의 양을? or 처벌의 강도를? for him, so a lot of Koreans got angry. It caused one of the serious complaining movements 어색한 단어/표현 선택 . So even now, the young generation can see this history in their school textbook.
However, on the other hand, 둘중에 하나만 쓰시면 됩니다 some others maintain point out that some of indispensable situations must be considered before they (대명사 사용 주의, 여기서 they가 누구입니까 others? criminals??) are being punished. They asserts the strict organised method of punishment can make crucial problems. Here is a good example of it in Korea. One man had to go to jail because he was doubted that he killed one young elementary school student. However, (comma) he had had a disabled disease of in his brain. So, (comma) he couldn't could not explain his opinion at all. Not just he couldn't could not buy a lawyer, but also even he couldn't could not realize what was going on him. His individual handicap had to be considered prior to being punished. However, (comma) the strict procedure of punishment 주어 설정 주의! 처벌이 무시했습니까 판사가 무시했습니까? ignored all of these and finally, he was killed in the jail.
These both real example can make sense fairly enough not just positive part but also negative part. This topic can't cannot be more worse than serious and difficult problem ?이해되지 않는 부분입니다. However, I strongly believe that it depends on the ability of lawyers. Law must be simple. If we make several different references or other methods of punishment for each things (things와 같이 애매한 표현은 감점의 요소입니다, 구체적으로 서술해주세요) , the power of law will be reduced and no one will be scared about it. The ability of distinguishing situations comes from human's heart. Only human can make different decisions whether they should punish suspects more crucially or more moderately. Whether there should be fixed punishments or not is not important. Human decides all of things at last. The privilege of decision-making has to be given to human, not laws.
SCORE: 4.5-5
Comment: 내용 자체는 좋으나, 문법적 실수와 아카데믹 에세이에서 필요한 부분을 많이 놓치고 있습니다. 수정된 부분을 참조하여 주세요. |