▶ Your Answer :
According to the growing of economy With the economy growth for several decades, peoples' quality of life has also improved. For this process, someone considers that economic success is vital for happiness factors, while others insist that 주어 어디? has another comments ?? of happiness, In this context, I will discuss gave both types of views and then give my opinion for this matter.
Conversely, tThere are several reasons why people pursue the happiness comes from the economic success. First of all, they can behave enjoy a lof of expensive things, such as a big house, luxury car, and another good quality of materals. Secondly, the wealth can bring (주어 설정 주의, 부가 특별한 것들을 즐겁게 하는 것이 아니라 특별한 것들을 불러옵니다 혹은 사람이 부에 의하여 특별한 것들을 즐길 수 있게 되겠죠) amuse many special things (things와 같이 애매한 표현은 감점의 요인이 됩니다) that general people have never experienced, such as going to the luxury restaurant to eat delicious food. In addition, for caring diseases, it is more accessible convenient than other people to go to the good guality of hospital. It seems that economic success is essential for one's life.
However, although these things can be satisfied for our life, it also has a many negative aspects of economic success. First of all, (comma) it can make people lose an ability of get along with others. Because, for pursuing the wealth, many people are willing to live alone. On top of that, personal relationship also purposed to resolve their economical problem ??이해가 되지 않는 문장입니다.
To sum up, econoimc status situation seems to be essential for people's life for any purpose. But, (comma) personal relationship is also important as well as materials. Therefore, I always consider that personal happiness comes from the relationship between by sharinge one's emotion.
제목을 까먹어서 작문 쓴 내용만 적어봅니다. 죄송합니다...
SCORE: 5
Comment: 현재 서술하신 글이 총 242words로 at leat 250 words라는 기준치에 미달합니다. 점수를 받기 위해선 최소 기준치를 꼭 지켜주세요. 간혹가다 이해가 되지 않는 부분들이 있으며, 사소한 문법적 실수가 많습니다. 특히, 주어 설정에 주의하여 주세요. |