▶ Your Answer : Different from the past, the environmental problems could not be tackled by only one efforts of the nations, but with the attendance of communities consisting of the local people. Although the nations usually have the strong and powerful roles in dealing with environmental issues, the social groups are also a great deal of influences in this matter.
(환경을 오염시키는데에 도움을 준 나라들이라고 말해주고 있습니다)> In terms of the environmental purification contamination, there are a couple of contributions from of each nation in the world. First of all, when countries make effective and practical policies related to the protection of nature with strong laws and regulations, people would try to participate and make an effort to keep our nature to be clean. For instance, some countries set a law that is imposing eco-tax to people who emit exhaust gases or make non-recycling letters as well as massive fines to those someone who throw a garbage on the road. This strict measure lad<(? what do you mean by lad?) effective and amazing result with inducing people to take part in trying to prevent our environment from destruction. Furthermore, it is also vital to publicize and educate citizens to realize the importance of nature to humans. When people recognize the necessity of protecting the earth at heart by themselves, they are more likely to participate in nature protection activities in voluntarily and the effects of those that efforts would be maximized. <( when countries make effective and practical policies... 보다는 the governments' duty is to create policies to protect the nature so that people would make an effort of not polluting the environment 라고 해주셔서 정부의 roles/duty에 조금 더 focus를 해주시면 좋을 것 가습니다.)
The groups in communities, moreover, have an important position in keeping our planet to be clean. Firstly, it is essential to try to use of public transportation such as trains, buses and subways rather than private cars that emit pollutants excessively. It can be seemed as like very trivial, but it is true that burning fossil fuels has been one of the most severe reasons that influence on the worsen and to worsen the environmental situation. In addition, reducing the use of disposable products would be another the significant way to solve this matter practically. Of course, it is almost impossible to remove all kinds of factories, but if people recycle and reuse the old things, it can be one method to decline the number of plants <(?) in the long term.
In conclusion, when it comes to environmental issues, although there are a number of duties plays of the governments, the local communities also have important roles such as reducing pollutants and recycling goods.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 내용이 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 전체적으로 글 정리가 필요하고 내용을 조금 더 summarize해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 표현/collocation/단어형태에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 일부 이해가 잘 안되는 표현도 있습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |