▶ Your Answer :
With the development of technology, the
internet socialisation is growing. Many young children can engage their times
through online to socialise with others. However, I believe that the more times
people spend more time be online would restrict their socialisation skills.
Online socialisation does not teach about
body languages. Eye-contact, use of hand motions and physical touch are
required in daily conversations while the social networking sites conversation
does not involve these. The persistent use of virtual communication through
social networking online, would cause people to may forget those body languages in reality.
This could mean that people would have a difficulty to socialise with real
people. The oblivion of body language could result in awkward, uncomfortable
and robotic way of a communication with the real people.
(Need better transition)
The emotional part of body languages is
important in reality whereas virtual conversation does not show the real
emotions. In the virtual world, the real emotions are hidden even if the users
use the emoticons, which were created for expressing of one's feelings. There are
thousands of emoticons available through social networking chatting systems,
and even though people use the smiley face on their conversation, that they
might not be actually feeling happy. However, in the reality people have to express
their feelings through their faces, but they may have a difficulty to do so. The
unbalancing of communication and facial expression may lead to awkward
conversations.
In conclusion, online chatting can prevent
many of body languages and emotions which could have hugely impact on reality face to face communications. Since this could lead to uncomfortable talking with real people
by having unbalanced of communication, people could get isolated from the
reality.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 다만 내용을 조금 더 "losing real friends"와 연결을 시켜주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 지금 에세이의 conclusions는 주로 "will have trouble with and awkward face to face communications" 처럼 들립니다. 그 외에는 전체적으로 글 정리를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문장구조에도 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |