▶ Your Answer :
In the past, the most of tasks were
completed by humans. As a result of this, there were was human errors, and using much
time until it took longer to finish the task. As the technology develops, the work can be
finished in shorter times, and people can have more of free times. Due to this
development, people may face the risk of labour force substitution and a competitive market, despite having own relaxation times.
Nowadays, all the working tasks are
completed by technology. In particular, Especially repetitive and simple tasks are done by a
computer so that people have more time to relax for their own entertainment.
According to the US census statistics, the average annual working hours that were
3181 hours in 1870 declined significantly to 1594 hours in 2000. The average
leisure activity times increased significantly compared to the average annual
working hours. The leisure activities were recorded at 3353 hours in 2000
compared to 2153 hours in 1890. Therefore, the quality of people's living
standard had increased as the working hours were reduced due to the
technological development.
However, due to this development, people
could face the risk of replacement by machines. Most of simple and repetitive
tasks are going to be increasingly substituted by machines. In the case of Coles
supermarket in Australia, all the cashiers have has been replaced by self-checkout
machines. The employment market can become a competitive market and the job
would become complicated. In other words, as the machines could be replacing the
labour market, the human may be required to have the competitive edges in
workplaces. Therefore, the development of technologies could be threatening the
human's employment opportunities.
In conclusion, the development of
technologies has enabled our lifestyles to become becoming comfortable and to be able to can enjoy more
time relaxing. However, it cannot be denied that the improvement of technologies
would be threatened the labour markets. Therefore, the technological
advancement cannot be considered as a positive impact in the workplace.
Score: 7 Comment: 내용이 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. 좋은 영향과 나쁜 영향을 잘 서술해주셨고 concluding도 잘 써주셨습니다. 다만 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. Number agreement (verbs/nouns)/collocation/수동태-능동태 활용/Cohesive device/ 에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다! |