Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate over the priority among environmental problems in our world. In my opinion, decreasing diversity of plants and animal cannot be the most important problem beyond global warming issues.
It
makes sense that keeping biodiversity is important. By keeping as many as
species as we can, we can fulfill our moral duty as the most dominant animal on Earth ('지구' 의 의미로 쓰일 때는 대문자 시작입니다. 땅, 대지로 쓰일 때는 소문자 시작이고요. 다른데에도 다 수정해주세요~) earth that should take care about other animals and plants in our planet.
Adding to that, biodiversity strengthens the sustainability of entire species
on earth by being useful to each other in various ways. For example, if we rely
on a single species of food source, we can be wiped out within seconds with in second if some
epidemic disease crushes our sole food source.
However, beyond the above noted biodiversity,
global warming is the most serious challenge that we face now. It affects our
world in direct and indirect ways. In direct ways, it damaged our habitats. Increased
sea level due to global warming has already impacted big cities. For example, Indonesia
considers changing its capital to avoid erosion, and some islands in the Pacific
area will be unmanned in the near future. For indirect ways, it gives bad
effect on our health. The global warming forces us to use more energy to cool
our cities in the summer season. Accordingly, humans are damaging the environment by seeking more power sources are seeking more power
sources by damaging environment which results additional environmental problems like
increased CO2 level due to emissions in generators around the world. Consequently,
the summers on earth is becoming hotter and causing deaths and health problems
to us.
To conclude, biodiversity is one of serious problems in our environment. However, global warming is the biggest issues that we should deal with first to safeguard our living itself.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
네 영역 모두 약간의 아쉬움은 있었지만, 크게 문제되는 정도는 아니었습니다. 1인칭의 경우는 구어에 속하기 때문에 가급적이면 최소화해주시는 게 좋습니다. 내 의견임을 직접적으로 드러내는 경우를 제외한 모든 때에는 다 바꾼다고 보시면 되는데, 이에 대한 예시로는 In my opinion~이 있고요. 그 외의 we can fulfill our ~는 전부 대체가 가능하니까 꼭 수정해주세요! 이온님 정도 영어실력이면 굳이 제가 방안을 제시해드리지 않아도 알아서 잘 바꿔주실 것 같아서 그냥 두겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)