Playing team sports can teach students more than just the games themselves.
What do young people learn from playing team games?
How are they useful in their later life?
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Young people can learn much more than just how to play a game when they engage in team sports. There could be several things that can be learned, and in my opinion, they these things could be useful in various ways in their adulthood.
Young people can learn may things from joining team games and sports. The main thing (point 등으로 대체 가능합니다.) is that they learn important lessons about individual values that can affect them throughout their lives. Experiences, such as a game not going as they want, teaches them that winning as a team or becoming the best player isn't (줄임말은 풀어써주세요!) everything. Another thing that children can develop through team sports is the confidence to interact with others better, deal with them better, and get along well. Also, children who join team sports learn about respect for others.
In my view, engaging in team sports has an impact on determination and competitiveness. Firstly, the sport itself is challenging, it develops an individual's personality, and children learn to make decisions through games. Secondly, team sports affect personality because shy people can become confident and competitive by demonstrating active participation in sports. For example, a highly introverted child can become an extrovert with the continued participation of team sports. (6.0에는 아무런 상관이 없긴 하지만, 현 문장은 앞에서 했던 말을 그대로 반복하는 것에 지나지 않기 때문에 그렇게 좋지는 못합니다.)
In conclusions, there's (여기도 풀어써주시면 됩니다.) much more to learn than just the game itself in team sports, and I believe that young people can benefit greatly from it as they acquire a deeper understanding of team playing.
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소요시간 45분 걸렸어요..
목표점수는 6.0 입니다. 제너럴이구요.
총평: (6/7/6/7) 6.5
일단 글 자체에는 크게 문제가 없으므로 자잘한 부분들만 조금 봐주시면 될 것이고...
혹시 audxogud님 전 시험에서 점수가 잘 안 나오셨나요...? 다음의 3가지 1. 시간 문제, 2. 오프토픽, 3. 지금까지 써온 글들이 직접 쓰신 게 아니라 모범답안을 필사한 경우, 가 아닌 이상, 제가 지금까지 본 글들로는 7.0은 몰라도 6.5는 충분히 받으셨을 것 같은데 갑자기 6.0으로 목표점수가 낮아져서 여쭤봅니다. 아마 저 중에서 2,3번은 해당사항이 없을 것이고, 1번이 조금 걸리긴 하는데...여하튼 audxogud님은 시간만 잘 조절하시면 6.0은 당연히 받으시고 오히려 6.5 혹은 그 이상의 가능성이 훨씬 높습니다. 그러니까 시험장에서 시간 문제로 미완성된 글이 제출되는 일만 없도록 피해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)