Salaries of senior management positions are much higher than other works in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that people who are in the
senior management positions get much higher salaries than others (이렇게 쓰면 people의 반복을 피할 수 있죠.) other people who work
in the same incorporation or organisation. Although some people can argue that everyone all people who works in the same corporation should have the same salaries, it seems
that pay must be different as per position.
To begin with, it is transparent that people
who are in high position get higher wage than other people. Then, there are
several reasons as to why they should get paid high pay. First of all, they work hard. To be
precise, since they have to achieve results, they are always under a lot of
pressure, which leads to them to work harder than others. Second, they work
longer than others. As I mentioned, they are pressured to achieve something, so
they work longer. Since they work harder and longer than any others, it is
natural that they get more paid.
Furthermore, people who are in the high
positions used to be in lower positions. However, they worked harder and focused on
their tasks to get promoted compared to than other people. If there is no difference in such pay,
nobody would work hard and do other things while working. Therefore, due to the fact that they did their
best and invested their a lot of time on promotion, it is evident that they should get
high position and get high salaries.
In conclusion, people who are in high
positions tried harder than other people. Thus, it is evident that they get
higher wage than other people who are in low positions.
총평: (5/5/5/6) 5.5
이번 글은 평소보다 조금 아쉬웠네요. 근거에 대한 부연 설명이 거의 없고, 있는 내용마저도 겹친다는 점이 문제입니다. '열심히 했다' 는 내용 하나로 본론의 거의 80%가 커버되고 있기 때문에 내용상 그렇게 좋은 상황은 아닙니다. 고로 본론1은 '타인보다 업무 부담이 더 심하기 때문에', 본론2는 '타인보다 중요한 결정권을 행사해야하기 때문에' 를 바탕으로 각각 전개하는 쪽으로 수정해보세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)