Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this out weigh the disadvantages?
Recently, some college students start a new
business within 4 years in their college with the support of colleges and conglomerates.
With this trend, some firmly believe that students should definitely take advantage of this
opportunity whether it may lead to success is successful or not. However, I strongly believe that
students should focus on their major due to the lack of time.
On the one hand, establishing a startup company certainly helps students to improve their creativity. A new business requires an extraordinary idea in comparison with the existing one; as a result, people who want to start a startup constantly imagine different ideas. In this process, they can cultivate their creativity. For example, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, became the best influencer to many individuals. Using his creativity, he integrated various functions into a mobile phone and it was successful. At first, he also experienced several failures, which demonstrates that he was not a creative person. This case reveals that starting new businesses leads to the improvement of creativity. (이 문단의 내용 관련해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
Nevertheless, although students put much
effort into studying, it is unclear for them to master their major. In order to
be proficient in an a particular area, at least 10,000 hours are likely to be required.
However, they should be proficient in do multitasking if they do study and startup
simultaneously. For instance, I used to be a member of a startup club in my
college. Originally, I would have liked like to concentrate on study rather than a startup.
Nonetheless, I had to participate in meetings 3 times a week, which led to the
lack of time for study. According to this experience, it is clear that starting
a venture company requires plenty of time.
In
conclusion, it is undeniable that creating businesses could be a good
experience for students. On the contrary, the disadvantage far outweighs the
advantage. (구체적인 근거를 요약하는 것을 권장드리긴 합니다.)
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
본론 첫 번째 문단의 경우 단순히 창의성에 대해서만 다루는 것이 아니라, '학생인 시점에서' 의 내용도 다뤄주셔야 합니다. 이 글은 단순 스타트업에 대한 글이 아니라, 학창시절과도 밀접한 연관이 있기 때문이죠.
+지금의 수정사항들은 대부분 msg를 쳐드린 것에 불과한데, 아마 English King님 실력이면 이를 충분히 소화하실 수 있을 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)