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<Topic>
Some people say that music is a good way of
bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
To what extent
do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
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It is true to say that music is a vital part of
human beings. These days, people commonly believe that a lot of music evoke
positive sentiments from listeners regardless of their cultures and ages,
however, there are opponents who say that music is still insurmountable 새 those
difficulties. Personally, (이걸 넣어주시면 살짝 더 매끄러워지긴 합니다. 큰 차이는 없지만요.) I firmly agree with the former stance which is that music does not
have borders, and the supportive ideas will be discussed in this essay.
Even though some people opine that music cannot be a
universal thing (be something universal 이 조금 더 낫긴 합니다.) since the beautiful lyrics is one of the most significant parts
of songs, I believe music consists of not only lyrics but also melody, messages
and so forth. One reason can be that, countless songs which are comprised of
non-English lyrics, garnered accolades from international critics and also
innumerable audience acclaim to those masterpieces. For example, BTS and PSY
who dominated Billboard and were awarded American Music Awards as Korean
singers, did so by singing Korean songs. This phenomenon is able to be an evidence that
cultural differences are on the wane as the world is being more and more globalized more and
more.
The other reason is, music is getting visualized
thanks to digital behemoths such as Youtube YouTube and TikTok. Since a music video has
become an essential segment of music, it becomes a fundamental method to
resonate with listeners. It mirrored on the world music chart, for instances,
if a music video’s the number of views is more than billions, the song also
locates at the top of the chart. As all people in different ages are able to
enjoy Hollywood movies, these digital platforms allow people to be apart from
the gap of generations. What is more, we still relish the old-fashioned
songs, for example, classic music such as Mozart and Bach or which were sung by
legendary musicians like The Beatles and Queen. As these well-known songs have
carved deep in people’s hearts, it has they have been played for decades-long.
To condense,
although there are opinions that music cannot make people to be together due
to different understandings in terms of cultures and ages, (이 부분보다는 본론의 근거를 요약해주시는 게 더 좋긴 합니다.) I am deeply
convinced that music is one of the best ways to break the barriers to
understand other customs and generations.
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[ 365 words]
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Grammar
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Vocabulary
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Cohesion
and Coherence
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Task
Response
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7/9.0
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8/9.0
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7/9.0
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8/9.0
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감사합니다.
총평: 이번 글도 잘 써주셨습니다. 참고로, 제가 꽁치님 글에서 수정해드리는 내용 중에는 이게 틀려서 수정하는 건 극소수이고 대부분은 msg를 쳐드리는 차원에서의 수정으로 보시면 됩니다.
꽁치님 실력이면 수정사항을 읽고 이게 필수로 바뀌어야 하는 건지 msg인지 구분하실 수 있을 거니까 그에 따라 잘 대처해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)