▶ Your Answer :
There is no doubt that the early stage of life is critical
for development of human. While Some people argue that children should remain in
educational institutions until eighteen, while other people assert that they should be
exposed to diverse experiences. I shall discuss both point of views and will
give my opinion.
It is evident that the guidance by parents and teachers
plays an important role for children. Particularly, young children in particular, tend to
lose their directions without proper instructions. Not only does this affect
their personalities, but also does it destructive harm to >> not only , but also 다음의 형태는 둘 다 같아야 합니다 부정어구 도치 쓰신 분은 처음 본 듯 하네요 정말 좋습니다 the society as a whole. For
example, there are many students committing violence and causing youth crime>> 가운데 - 있으면 형용사가 되어 빼시는게 좋습니다
due to the lack of education. Therefore, it is necessary to teach them until
they become an adult. so Thus, that they can make right decisions and take
responsibility on their own.
On the other hand, there is an argument that the exposure to
various range of experiences enables young people to act independently and
expedite their self-esteem. Furthermore, allowing them to engage in real world
would bring positive effects on society. As an example For instance, if a student stays in the
education system, they may lose their creativity because of the frame that the
school provides. But >> 문두에 but and also so or 는 쓰지 않습니다 However, 로 고쳐주세요 if they have their own choice to make >> invent creative 등은 어떨까요?, they would will >> if절의 동사가 현재면 주절의 조동사는 현재가 됩니다 learn how the
responsibility follows to their decision.
In my opinion, there are equal numbers of pros and cons >> advantages and disadvantages 가 더 좋은 표현입니다 pros and cons는 약간 구어체의 느낌이 강합니다 on
both views. Therefore, I believe that the best choice for this is that school
system should have a variety range of educational sources for young people. so
that Therefore, >> 너무 길어서 잘라드렸습니다 they can absorb advantages of current education system as well as experiences
from the outside of the world.
전체적으로 문법이 좋았습니다 글도 깔끔하게 정리가 잘 됐구요 잘 쓰셨습니다 문법적인 부분들은 빨간 부분들만 참고해주시면 되겠습니다 그치만 테스크가 질문한 부분은 18살까지 학교에서 잡고 있어야 하냐인데 글은 experience와 그를 도울 부분으로 이뤄졌네요 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.5 예상합니다
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