▶ Your Answer :Recently, the importance of arts is getting>> get동사는 좋지 않습니다 become이 적절합ㅂ니다 significant, which sparks an international controversy. Some>> some만 쓰지 말아주세요 뒤에 people 등을 붙여주세요 assert that the >> government는 the나 복수형과 함께 다닙니다 government use their budget to subsidise more infrastructures, >> 접속사 앞 콤마 유의해주세요while others contend that they should focus on the Arts as well. Based on my personal perspective, the government has responsibilities to undeceive people of the value of Arts.
There is a little room of doubt that people can take countless advantages from immersing themselves to Arts. Firstly, it makes them more creative owing to the fact that the Art is a mixture of diverse kinds of individuals’ views, which gives audience innumerable ideas. Secondly, it has singular functions that might entertain people. In this harsh world, it is hard to withstand without any forms of pleasure or leisure. These days, they seem to need desperately break times to refresh their mind aside from thinking about their tasks. Arts can take the role because,>> 중간에 when절이 들어오면 콤마로 나눠주세요 when people enjoy it, they are usually so fascinated that they are not captured by worries.
However, due to the fact that there is no any visible and decisive effects, the financial plan for Arts is often denied. It is true that nobody can be sure that the Arts have worthwhile impacts or not and it generally costs huge expenses. Nevertheless, If they neglect the importance of Arts on account of those reasons, in the end, the feasible side effects are>>will be>> if절이 나왔다면 주절에 조동사가 나와줘야합니다 also severe. Virtually, the Arts have made numerous number of professions, and also it promotes people to spend money, which bring out positive results in its economy.>> 어떤 직업들이 생겨나는지 없네요 간단하게나마 서술해 주셔야합니다 The bottom line is, the consequences of being exposed to the Arts can be ambiguous, though,>> 콤마 빼주세요 it can be barely denied that it gives comforts to people and they would feel satisfaction in learning the Arts because of its dignity that makes people noble>> 우선 문장이 너무 길어졌네요 중간에서 끊고 다시 써주세요 과연 미술이 사람들을 훌륭하고 고귀하게 만드는걸까요?. The rougher more rough this society becomes, the more concerns to the Arts we need.
약간의 스타일상 오류가 있었던 것으로 보여지지만 내용 이해의 측면에선 문제가 없었습니다 위에 표시해드린 부분만 보시면 될 듯 싶습니다 Arts가 아닌 art나 arts 등으로 대문자로 쓰는 것은 문제에서 강조하려고 한 것으로 보여지기도 합니다 본론에선 소문자가 필요합니다 Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5예상합니다
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