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To begin with, it’s it is obvious today that almost every country today each household and family in most countries produces a great amount of waste every day. I think most of rubbish comes from tremendous plenty of packaging, which is not needed at all necessary >> 지워주세요 question에 이런 내용은 없습니다. We can find >> we 가 아니라 본인의 의견을 제시하는 것입니다 useless packaging from processed food, cosmetics, >> 세개 이상 나열에서 마지막 and 앞엔 콤마입니다 and snacks for children >> 지워주세요. I’m going to I will >> 축약형 쓰지 마세요 discuss about the way of reducing rubbish in this essay.
First of all, we need to buy goods which is not exaggerated packaging. In fact most of products we buy are usually have excessive overwrapped. It is because goods should be focused on attract the public attention. But However, it makes presents costly more expensively, moreover>> moreover 한 단어입니다, and more than 75% of packaging is only for a good looking, it which was approved by the study of Korean market in 2013. Of->> 대쉬 빼주세요 course, another the other 25% of goods such as fresh food, canned and liquid stuff should be packaged well, but I believe as long as we buy well packaged goods for a quarter only (25%),>> 접속사가 없는데 어떻게 콤마로 이어졌나요? the rubbish rate will dramatically going down dramatically soon. >> 너무 문장들이 길고 Korean market 부분으로 예를 들었으면 거기서 끝입니다 뒤에 25% 부분은 굳이 말하지 않아도 될 부분들입니다
Secondly, we’ve >> 축약형 쓰지 말아주세요 have been neglected waste of shopping bags and plastic bags that we use very often. Plastic bags are very common and even very cheap, >> 또 접속사가 없는데 문장이 이어졌네요that is why we forget the fact ,>> 콤마는 뭔가요?that they can be used several times 뒤에 콤마 빼주고 마침표 써주세요, In other words, >> 문두 부사 혹은 전치사구 뒤 콤마입니다 the plastic-bag factories don’t do not need to make them anymore. Although we can easily get >> get 동사는 피해주세요 have easily plastic bags anywhere during shopping, we need carry our own bag each>>??. On the ground that, >> 콤마 붙여주세요 a large amount of rubbish came from plastic bag.
To sum up, since our society becomes competitive very much, many companies have been making their packages exclusively. Consequently, almost all of packaging has turned into rubbish, and then modern people have faced to our society as a big problem.
논리가 어떻게 된 줄 모르겠고 question에서 요구하는 내용에 집중되지 않고 그저 쇼핑백이란 조그만 부분에 한정돼서 서술됐습니다 문법적인 문제도 많아 Task2 보단 문법 어휘 공부하면서 Task1 쓰시는게 좋을 듯 싶습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4
5.0 예상합니다 |