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It has been a controversial issue To begin with, whether an imposition of more high taxes on the petroleum to raise its price will make its effect >> what effect? on regulating a level of traffics and diminishing pollution thereof or not. traffic jam and pollution alleviated. Some people argue that an increase of price is the sole solution to treat these problems, >> 반면에란 뜻을 가진 while 앞엔 콤마가 붙습니다 while others insist that it is not a practical solution and there are alternative measures to resolve these matters. In this context, I would like to insist argue that the latter point of view is more appealing statement the government should take another measure instead of rising the cost of fuel.
A certain level of agreement could be granted on the assertion that First of all, the increased price of fuel oil the fuel will reduce the individual's willingness for them to drive their own private vehicles due to the expensive price of petroleum and will contribute to the enhanced environmental condition thereof consequently. However, to be judged from the inelasticity of demand by general citizens over the usage of cars, >> 문장 중간에 which 수식절이 있을 경우 콤마 넣어주세요 which is attributable to their dependence on private transportation method >> 명사가 나란히 있네요 for better convenient >> 비교대상이 없으므로 충분히 다른 말로 표현 가능한걸로 바꿉니다 mobility, mere increases mere in the price of petrol would not achieve effective results as anticipated. >> 너무 길어서 더 쉽게 보일 수 있는 문장이 복잡하게 됐습니다 이렇게 긴 문장들 시험관들도 싫어하고 논리적으로 좋다고 보지 않습니다 글쓴 분도 길어지면서 문법적인 실수들 놓치고 있습니다
Secondly, there should be persuasive incentives for the people to cease to utilize their own private vehicles.>> 이게 주장이네요 To solve the social problems caused by a proliferating number of traffics on the road like such as 가 더 아카데믹하고 좋은 표현입니다 environmental pollution, there should be persuasive incentives for the people to cease to utilize their own private vehicles. , those incentives would include subsidies for the people who commute only with public transportation system. In addition, benefits from the perspective of government by tax-reduction for the people who purchase or drive eco-friendly vehicles like electric automobiles or small-sized cars which exhaust less carbon-dioxides and sulphur compounds would be the reasonable alternatives to accomplish a goal of traffic reduction and conservation of environment. >> 다른 주장입니다 글이 너무 길어져 아예 날려드립니다
To sum up, although imposing higher price of fuel oil petrol on the people would reduce the number of traffics for a certain amount, it has limited effects thereof. Therefore, the alternative measures as stated above should be carried out with the aids from by the government to achieve efficient and viable solution.
약 330자입니다 날려드린 부분 제외하면 약 280 조금 이하로 딱 적정한 정도로 떨어집니다 서론이 너무 길고 서론에서 한 두줄 떼어서 본론 2에 붙여주세요 서론이 너무 길어 아쉬웠습니다 주장 설명 순서도 바뀌어서 작성된 부분도 아쉽구요 다시 보고 생각해봐주시길 바라겠습니다 문장들이 너무 기니 한줄~ 한줄 반 정도로 작성해주시는 버릇도 길러주세요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다
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