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Nowadays, robots become a component of society. However, some individuals insist that robots bring negative things, while others consider that it gives us positive effects >> 좋다 나쁘다 좋다 나는 반대한다 가 아닌 좋다 좋다 나쁘다 나는 반대한다 처럼 좋은 것들을 묶고 나쁘고 반대하는 것들을 묶어주세요. In my opinion, the former is more convincing in terms of too much dependence on robots' ability.
First of all, modern people tend to be lazier than the past because of too much depending on technology. This means that It is because most tasks are done without great efforts through the aid of robots, which leads people to less make efforts. For example, in fact, in many the workplaces, a number of workers only control robots by using the computer . Thus, more developing technology, people become less motivated. >> 전 이 내용이 부드럽게 연결된다고 보지 않습니다 마지막에 컴퓨터를 사용해서 조종한다와 동기부여가 덜 된다는 너무 급박하게 끝내는 듯한 느낌이 듭니다
Additionally, utilising robots in our society causes a lack of job opportunities. This means that robots replace people in their workplaces, so employees will lose their jobs. Tn>>? the past, >> For instance, in the case of Ford, the huge amount of workers were employed on making to make cars,>> however를 쓰려면 마침표 찍고 문장을 새로 시작해야 합니다 부사라 문장을 이어줄 수 없습니다 >> Ford는 왜 나왔죠? 굳이 필요가 없는 듯 싶네요 . However, in Hyundai company, nowadays, robots make cars instead of manual workers. Therefore, due to the increased robots, decreasing job opportunities is inevitable.
On the other hand, robots can achieve hard work which people cannot >> 한 단어입니다 do. This is that robots can take place of substitute human beings in dangerous places that cannot be accessible for us. For example, satellites and the robotic explorers of the sea bottom can be used instead of people. This gives us the idea that robots are useful in our society.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that using robots gives us benefits, I believe that it brings more drawbacks since people too much rely on robots.
both views를 먼저 언급하고 본인의 의견을 정리해주세요 그리고 결론엔 좋은 점도 있지만 이런 점에서 나쁘다고 생각한다 식으로 끝내주시구요 다른 대소문자나 스펠링 오류 너무 많습니다 고쳐주세요 상황에 맞지 않는 단어들도 보입니다 take place 같은 것들이요 문법 단어만 제대로 잡으셔도 6점대는 나오실 듯 싶네요 컴퓨터라고 봐드리는 일 있으면 계속 실수가 반복돼 오타도 한두번이 아니라면 실력으로 간주하고 채점합니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다
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