▶ Your Answer :
There is a growing debate about whether or not the developed Internet skills are helpful when we keep in touch with each other. Although there are some drawbacks to assure that the Internet is the main useful method to talk with other people, I fully agree that we have received a huge amount of advantages by using information technologies.
Nevertheless, there are some points that make people feel that the Internet does is not necessarily make our communication smoothly. Firstly, most conversations via network consist of text message. This trait makes talks very dry because it is difficult to express emotions only with written sentences. Secondly, it is true that when our gadgets can be accessed to the Internet network, it is very helpful for communicating, but if there are some kinds of connecting problems, our communication will also be talking also completely disconnected. So, I think it is hard to say the Internet obviously helps with our conversation because there are still many a lot of dead/poor Internet connection dead angle areas or people who live in the heart of mountain without access to internet.
However, we cannot deny the fact that we benefit from the Internet technologies as sharing our stories with friends and families are more comfortable. This phenomenon is possible thanks to developed various devices such as laptops or tablets, which is with possible Internet connection almost everywhere possible in wherever we want.<(focus가 인터넷이 아니라 기계에 있습니다.) For example, the invention of smartphones that uses the Internet for with SNS or messenger applications help us arrange our appointments with colleagues even on the road. Also, the various useful functions of the Internet can help overcome even time differences because we can communicate whenever we want. Especially, when we cannot have a conversation at the same time with busy counters, this problem can dealt with by leaving text messages or writing a comment in social networking websites like Facebook/or emails.
As I mentioned above, I totally agree with this statement that getting in touch with other people is very easy by using the Internet person is very easy as Internet using because we can be in contact with people anywhere and at anytime where Internet is available. it makes us can be assess it whenever and wherever we desire.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 내용은 좋습니다. 하지만 문법에 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 또한 글 정리를 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 조금 wordy하게 들리고 organization이 있으면 reader가 더 편하게 읽을 수 있을 것 같습니다. |