▶ Your Answer :
The line graph
displays the percentage proportional changes in juvenile crime arrests that occurred in three areas,
suburban, rural, and urban areas from 1995 to 1998.
Overall, juvenile
crimes decreased substantially, where rural and urban areas declined slightly while
suburban crimes had some periodic fluctuations.
Suburban recorded
at 2% juvenile crimes in 1995 whereas it was 3% for rural and about 0.2% for urban.
Urban and suburban had a rise in rose its juvenile crimes to 2% and a peak to 8% of its peak,
respectively in 1996 while rural remained the same at 3% before all had plummeted.
Rural areas reached at 2%, urban at -1% and suburban of -2% in 1997. <(Suburban의 경우 crime arrest가 8%에서 -2%으로 내려간게 key point이기 때문에 이 점을 전달 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
After 1997, the decreasing trend was continued for urban and rural juvenile crimes to reach at its lowest
point of close to -5% and -3%, respectively whereas suburban rose to 0%.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 전달해주셨습니다. 다만 그래프의 key point중 하나가 suburban crime arrests가 8%에서 -2%으로 급 decrease한 것이기 때문에 이 내용을 전달 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 Crimes와 crime arrest는 조금 다르기 때문에 crime arrests라고 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 문장구조에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 silly mistakes에 주의를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |