Task 2 (Advantage & Disadvantage 유형) - 해커스 정규교재 p. 271 문제
Many automobile manufactures created
self-driving systems for their vehicles. Discuss the advantages and
disadvantages of releasing cares with these systems.
In
contemporary society, releasing automobiles with self-driving systems is
commonly discussed because it has a lot of benefits to our daily lives.
However, while it is evident that there are some advantages to this
state-of-the-art technology, the concerns regarding its disadvantages to the
safety of vehicles should not be overlooked.
On the
one hand, it is apparent that the self-driving systems for vehicles can make
our lives much more optimal and convenient. Nowadays, most of people, particularly those living in cities, are required to do many tasks in the same time as society has
been rapidly changing. In this regard, with the self-driving systems, people
can utilize their time even in good physical condition because they have no
needs for driving by themselves. For instance, a businessman (붙이는 게 맞는데, 그걸 떠나서 여기와 뒤에 his 등에서는, 아무런 이유 없이 특정 성별만 지칭해서 쓰는 것은 좋지 않습니다.) who is always
under pressure with his hectic schedule at work would be available to prepare
his presentation for important meetings while he gets in his car with the
self-driving system.
Nevertheless,
this new technology for auto industry has been still concerned since it might
have technical matters. Given the trials and errors of self-driving systems in
several countries such as Korea, Japan and Germany which have high capacity for
automobile manufacturing, it still has a possibility to result in minor technical
issues related to a break and handle of the vehicles. According to recent news,
some of vehicles with the systems in those countries mentioned above have had
automobile accidents due to the break system malfunctioning.
All
things considered, the disadvantages to the self-driving systems for cars seem
much outweigh its advantages. Above all, automobile manufactures should solve
the anticipated technical problems in order to avoid serious car accidents before
releasing vehicles with these systems. (여기에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
1. 목표점수: 7.0
2. 시험예정일: 2월 말경 (첫 시험)
3. 작성시간: 38분 (도움 없이)
4. 단어수: 282
지난 번에 코멘트 주신 내용 숙지해서 템플릿에 얽매이지 않으려고 노력해봤는데, 여전히 쉽질 않네요.
이번에도 첨삭 잘 부탁 드립니다. : )
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
결론만 아니었으면 7.0이 문제가 아니라 7.5도 가능했을 겁니다. 그렇기 때문에 더더욱 아쉽네요.
시험장에서는, 논제가 슈퍼 갑, 채점관이 갑, 수험생은 을, 병도 아닌 '정' 정도의 위치에 있다고 보시면 됩니다. 형사재판으로 비유할 경우 논제는 헌법, 채점관은 판사, 수험생은 피고인이 되고요. 여하튼, 글을 작성할 때 철저히 논제가 요구하는 것만 지킬 수 있어야 합니다. 현재 논제를 보고 가겠습니다. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of releasing cares with these systems. 라고 되어있죠. 그러면 ielts2020님께서 이 글을 통해 해야 하는 것은 딱 ~의 장단점만 다루는 것입니다. 그러나 지금의 결론처럼 장단점 중 뭐가 더 크다라고 적거나, 더 나아가서 제언을 하는 경우 논제와 완전히 벗어나게 돼요. 다행히도 본론은 잘 쓰여서 최소한의 타격으로 막았지만, 7.5/7.0이 가능했던 글이 6.5로 떨어지는 것은 절대 바람직하지는 않죠. 따라서 항상 논제가 시키는 것만 충실하게 할 수 있도록 주의해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)