Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species
Of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In terms of environmental problems, some think that the most significant issue is the extinction of some rare kinds of plants and animals. However, others believe that there will be more inevitable environmental issues. I personally think that the latter is more convincing.
To begin with, it is a well-known fact that
not only humans on the Earth earth but also other various kinds of animals and plants
are suffering from earth crisis such as global warming and climate changes. More importantly, more and more of unique
species have been facing the extinction problem and it will certainly destroy the present ecosystem. For example, one of occurrences due to global warming is the
huge mountain fire all over the world and the most common cause is the that
decreasing of trees in nature. According to environmental experts and
organizations, this should be the main concerns to deal with by the authorities
and governments. (이런 건 분량채우기이고, 이를 대신해서 저 나무 파괴, 그리고 산불이 '어떤 식으로' 생태계에 영향을 주는지 작성해주세요~)
However, people have more urgent
environmental issues around the communities such as air or water pollution than
dying out particular species dying out. In our everyday life, individuals have struggled
for decades because of polluted environment. By making individual’s effort as
well as governments on this problems like reducing the uses of plastic, it can
be slowly getting better and the earth can be saved from deep damage. Moreover,
working on the problems in communities could bring positive effects on
decreasing species of animals and plants. (해결책을 적는 것이 아니라, '왜' 공기/환경 오염이 현시대의 가장 큰 환경문제인지를 작성해주셔야합니다. 인체, 혹은 지구에 끼치는 악영향을 중심으로 작성해주시면 되겠고요.)
In conclusion, although it is true that people have to solve issues of dying out animals and plants, I believe that there should be priorities of making a solution for environment as well as human society.
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
이 글에서 각 논점을 소개할 때, 중시해야할 것은 왜 각 입장이 현시대의 가장 큰 환경문제인지를 밝히는 것입니다. 그러므로 각 문제의 구체적인 (악)영향을 강조할 수 있어야하고요. 본론 첫 번째 문단은 그래도 마지막 줄 제외하면 이게 되어있는 반면 본론 두 번째 문단은 전혀 그렇지 않으니까 꼭 수정해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)