Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result.
Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is apparent that improving the living standard by developing economic sectors is a goal in most countries. However, in the process of the development, there are risks to lose essential social values as a result. Because of this aspect, I firmly agree with the opinion that the disadvantage of economic development outweigh the advantage of that.
First of all, the effort of enhancing the citizen's living standard would cause most nations to lose their social values such as cooperation. In this money-driven society, highly-paid jobs such as doctors and engineers are considered the most valuable and sacred professions, which have a significant influence on young people to get these jobs in the future. It will lead them not only to study certain subjects that will help students' future careers but also to neglect other elements that will also need to be successful in the society such as being cooperative. For instance, students who only concentrated on their study in science for their economic success are more likely to struggle in a relationship due to their selfishness and the absence of a sense of belonging. Although they may be more financially successful than others, it is possible that those who have ignored the importance of social values like cooperation would live a more stressful life. This phenomenon demonstrates both focusing on financial benefits and the lack of education in social values would be disadvantageous for the next generation who will run our society.
On top of that, concentration on the developing economic sectors to improve the living standard makes (concentration 과 호응됩니다.) people less sensitive in protecting the environment, one of the most essential social values. People have destroyed the environment in order to exploit natural resources and make a fortune by selling them, leading them to less contemplate their (여기의 경우 people 과 맞춰주셔야하고요.) our duty to protect the environment. For example, many peasants in Brazil have put fire on the Amazon rain forest as their need of field to grow economic crops gradually has risen for decades. This trend eventually causes severe damage to the rain forest and speeds up the global warming. This illustrates people would be in a great danger in the near future unless they do not consider their important social value, preserving the environment.
To sum up, it is clear that many nations aiming to improve their living standard by economic development lost several social values. This will be disadvantageous unless students get proper education on social values and people stop the reckless exploitation of natural resources.
총평: (8/8/7/7) 7.5
워낙 잘 쓰인 글이라 딱히 건드릴 게 없어서...도움이 되는지는 모르겠네요ㅎㅎ
잘 써주셨고, 많은 수험생들이 어려워하는 outweigh 유형인데 대처를 깔끔하게 해주신 편이네요. 이정도면 적어도 task 2에서는 걱정이 없을 겁니다. 단, 글이 약간은 긴 편인데, 제한 시간 내에 이정도 분량을 오류 없이 깔끔하게 작성하실 수 있으면 모를까, 그렇지 않을 경우 최우선적으로는 파란 문장부터 지워주시면 됩니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
읽어주셔서 정말 감사합니다. 많은 도움 받고 있어요!
좋은 하루 보내세요~!!